


Hurricane And Dynamite

by TheRedBandit



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Zombie Apocalypse, Alternate Universe - No Zombies, Alternate Universe - Teachers, Angst, Crushes, Eventual Romance, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining, Secret Crush
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-13
Updated: 2017-07-19
Packaged: 2018-10-18 08:16:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 35,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10612902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheRedBandit/pseuds/TheRedBandit
Summary: 1987. Rick Grimes is a history teacher at Alexandria High. When the school hires a new gym teacher, Rick can't help but be pulled to him. It is what it is.UPDATE 9/8/17: Story postponed. I am really busy and I don't have the same inspiration as I once did. And I feel like if I force any writing to happen it isn't going to be good at all. I'm sorry to anyone who has been waiting. It makes me sad because Red Canyon Outlaw was written with so much inspiration and drive. Maybe that's because of the way it was written, it's very different from this story. I'm super sorry. But I don't want to just give half-assed chapters just to get it done. I'm hoping that the inspiration to finish will come soon, or maybe with the new season of Walking Dead, but for now I know I can't force anything to be written. Sorry :(





	1. Storm

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys, I'm finally back writing fic and I'm pretty excited for this one. It's going to a lot different than Red Canyon Outlaw (if whoever is reading this read that one). This one's going to be a slow burn and not as wild. I needed an idea that would let me do this and I settled on making them teachers since this would give me a structured environment to play around with. (and I'm trying to do something that I haven't seen done yet so hopefully this isnt already an idea?? I know it's not that original haha but hopefully it's still entertaining) Also my writing style might be a bit different for this than Red Canyon Outlaw (basically less poetic) since it's a very different kind of story, but I'm still going to try and make it similar! Definitely going to be lighter than RCO, but of course there will be drama and whatnot. ANYWAY, I hope you guys like it. Thanks for reading. <3

_**PART ONE: RAIN** _

Summer was coming to a quick end. The year was ‘87. Rick Grimes wasn’t a stranger to feeling the sadness that always came when summer ended. It’s like he never left school. Considering he became a teacher very shortly after college. History. Someone’s gotta teach kids the right information. Right? Still, he didn’t want summer to leave yet. Something about summer...something about sitting on the porch. Something about the light remaining till 8pm. His son Carl was going into 12th grade. The final year. The big one. Before college. Jesus. How old was Rick getting again? Not _that_ old. He had Carl in his early twenties.

His daughter Judith was going into first grade which scared the shit out of him but at least he wouldn’t have to worry about babysitters after the short hours of kindergarten. And he worked at the same high school that Carl attended. Alexandria High. Carl didn’t really like that but hey, Rick was there first.

Carl was mumbling to himself in the kitchen on the morning of the first day of school. Rick looked over at him. He did not feel like dealing with teenage angst already. This early.

“What’s wrong Carl?”

“I have that new gym teacher, remember? Did you meet him yet? Is he cool? I really wanted Mr. Ford.” Carl mumbled.

“No I didn’t meet him but I’m sure he’s fine.” Rick said.

“You don’t get it dad. You’re a history teacher. History teachers are either fun or boring. Gym teachers are either cool or mean.”

“He’s not gonna be mean.”

“How do you know??”

“Are you ready yet?” Rick asked. Carl groaned and followed him to the car. Judith was given to his neighbor, Carol, to help her get on the bus every morning. Luckily for Rick, Judith was excited about that. Carol’s daughter Sophia joined Rick and Carl every morning to carpool.

“I’m so scared.” Sophia muttered. “What if he’s mean?”

Rick breathed a laugh. “You guys. I really don’t think you have anything to worry about.”

“We have him first period, Dad.” Carl said. “We don’t want to start our mornings with a psycho.”

Alexandria High ran on a block schedule. 4 periods a day, all about an hour and a half. Carl would only have gym for the first marking period. And it was every other day, so there was that going for them. Classes like history, english, math, etc ran for two marking periods. Rick pulled into the teacher’s section of the parking lot. It was a warm day. Light breeze flowing. The scent of new beginnings lingered in the air. Or something hopeful like that. Whatever.

“You’re gonna be okay.” Rick said. “Now go meet the man.” Rick smirked, finding the situation amusing. Carl and Sophia sighed and made their way into the school. Rick went into a different entrance, the library entrance. He went into the library. “Hey Daryl, how’s it going?”

Daryl Dixon was not what one expected out a librarian, but he was. He was gruff and quiet but genuinely kind and sweet. And he was one of Rick’s closest friends.

“Beth left for her final year at college.” Daryl mumbled. “Sucks.”

“She’ll be back before you know it.” Rick smiled. “Hey you uh, hear about the new guy yet?”

“Heard he’s a dick.”

Rick blinked, his mouth twitched. “Shit, really?”

“Yep. Big time. Type that thinks they’re real funny.”

Rick sighed. “Damn it.”

“Rick!”

Rick turned around to see the principal, Dale Horvath, walk through the library doors. “Good to see you, Dale.” Rick said.

“Same to you. I actually had a favor to ask you.”

Rick laughed and crossed his arms. “Already?”

“...Afraid so. You have second period free this year right?” Dale asked. Rick nodded. “Good. I was wondering if you could pop in to the gym area, find the new teacher. Maybe make him feel acquainted.” He said.

Rick didn’t move. “Me? Really?”

“You could practically be principal yourself Rick, you know that. Just meet up with him, he’ll be in one of the gym classrooms I’m sure.” Dale began to walk away.

“Uh, yeah...okay.” Rick said. Fuck. Shit. He didn’t want to deal with the new guy. Why was he always put on asshole patrol?

Rick left Daryl and retreated into his own classroom. Kids were already piling in. He recognized most of them. He hadn’t felt anxious about the new school year. Didn’t feel anxious learning there’d be a new teacher. Didn’t feel anxious. But now he did. If this new guy was really a “dick” then he’d have to deal with that for the long haul. Everybody went to Rick. For some fucking reason. Rick was glad to help but shit, he didn’t want to deal with a fucking gym teacher.

* * *

Rick got through first period fine. The first week of school was always the easiest. Homeroom was next. It was about fifteen minutes. The kids had the same homeroom teacher all three years they’d be at Alexandria High. Rick was feeling bittersweet starting over with a new group of kids. His kids last year had graduated, and he missed them. Then homeroom ended. Rick felt a wave of nerves hit his body. What the hell was that about? Gym teacher. Right. Fucking gym teachers. Abraham Ford was the other one. And he was cool as hell. But even he was intimidating as fuck. Something about gym teachers was like that. They were physical. They had to be. Rick flashed back to his own school days. Him and gym teachers didn’t really get along. He didn’t know why.

Rick began walking through the halls. Kids passing him by. Some kids stealing kisses before the next class started. That made Rick uncomfortable. Carl liked a girl. And Rick didn’t really know what the fuck to do about that. He shook it off. Ever since his wife died he tried to ignore the parental responsibilities he would have to do on his own. Dating was not something he wanted to deal with. Regarding Carl and himself. His wife Lori had died during childbirth. And Rick spent the last five years dealing with the aftermath. He had a few dates here and there. A few short, awkward hookups. But overall he just stayed away from that territory. No one had given him butterflies. And he was the kinda guy who needed to feel fucking butterflies.

He turned the corner rounding the cafeteria and stopped short. He faced the hallway that led to the gym, classrooms, and pool. Kids vanished in the halls, leaving Rick to find the classroom that the new guy would be in. He wondered how Carl and Sophia were doing. Rick shook his head and peered into one of the classrooms. He saw an unfamiliar man. Fuck.

The man immediately turned his head to Rick and smiled something wild. He looked like a wolf, Rick thought.

“Hi.” The man said. Lips forming a closed smile somehow more sinister than the toothy one he flashed before.

“Hey, my name’s Rick Grimes. You the new gym teacher?”

“Looks like it.” The man stood up. Rick felt his stomach flip. Not butterflies. Maybe wasps? Something like that. The man was taller than Rick, broader than Rick. And if Rick had him for a gym teacher he’d turn on his heel and run the other way. “I’m Negan.” He extended out his hand.

“Nice to meet you.” Rick said, and before his hand could touch Negan’s, Negan had gripped Rick’s hand hard, acting like an alligator jaw.

“So they send you to make me feel all comfortable and shit?” Negan said. “Because if so, I’ve surely hit the motherfucking jackpot of goddamn southern accents.” Negan laughed and made Rick feel a mixture of anger and embarrassment. Daryl’s words echoed in his mind. The type that thinks they’re funny. Shit. Negan must have known he threw Rick off, because next he said, “Aw shit, don’t tell me I already soured our friendship. Look Grimes, I can already tell you and I are gonna be the best of fucking friends.”

Rick didn’t know what to say. He was too busy digesting Negan for whatever the fuck he was. A loudmouth. Yes. An asshole? Yes. A rambler? Yes.

“Yeah, okay.” Rick said.

“Oh fuck,” Negan hit Rick lightly on the shoulder. “What the fuck do you teach?”

Rick ignored every ‘fuck’ that came out of Negan’s mouth. “I teach history.”

“HISTORY!?” Negan laughed loudly. “Well, I guess that’s better than _math_. English was always my fucking favorite. I once had a teacher say that swear words were useful in writing. That they could be just as important as any other word. I really appreciated the fuck outta that sentiment.”

“I can tell.”

Negan laughed again. “Yeah, we’re gonna be best fucking pals around here.”

“So, how was uh...how was your first class?” Rick asked, he put his hands in his pockets. Tried to conceal any nervousness.

Negan grinned a grin so dangerous Rick could have been vaporized by it. Negan turned around and walked back to his desk, he lifted a clip board off of it and scanned it with his eyes. “No motherfucking way...I fucking knew your name sounded fucking familiar. Carl Grimes! I got your kid in my fucking class!”

Rick laughed nervously. “Yeah.”

“Holy shit. That’s fucking insane. Oh, to answer your question it went as good as it could be I guess. I read the fucking syllabus. So fucking boring. Split the kiddos into teams for the duration of the class whenever we need to split into fucking teams. Made your kid one of the captains without even knowing. Ain’t that funny?” Negan asked. But Rick couldn’t respond, because Negan kept fucking talking. “Looked at me like I was the evil stepdad or some shit. Does he look at you with a stink eye? Does he have a stepdad? Because man, that’s the way I looked at my fucking stepdad.”

“Uh, no. He doesn’t.”

“Ah, happily married then?” Negan asked, leaning against the desk.

“My wife died during childbirth. With my daughter. She just turned five.” Rick said. Cold. Rick knew he knocked Negan off of whatever pillar he was currently reigning on. Rick gave a smirk. “I guess I’ll see ya around.” He said, he headed out the door.

Negan hightailed after him and soon the two were passing the cafeteria. “Hey man, I’m fucking sorry.”

“It’s fine.” Rick said, he continued walking.

“I lost my wife too.”

Rick stopped in his tracks. He felt his blood turn to ice. “What?”

“Like, two years ago. Cancer. Fucking hell on earth. So I know what it’s like. To have assholes talk about family and shit. Sorry.” Negan looked apologetic enough.

Rick nodded. “Well, just as a warning...don’t be an asshole and you’ll do fine around here. Okay?”

This time Negan nodded. And Rick left him in the hall by the cafeteria.

* * *

A week had gone by. Carl had reported to Rick that Negan was, in fact, a douchebag. He wasn’t mean. Directly, anyway. And he made the kids do five laps around the gym at the start of every class. What the fuck? Rick shrugged off Carl’s concerns. Not to be rude or anything. But that’s just the way some teachers did shit. Some were annoying. Tough. Assholes. To be honest, Rick just didn’t want to deal with Negan again. But something about the loss of Negan’s wife made Rick turn to fucking stone. The only people he had been able to somewhat relate to was old men who lost their old wives. Nobody younger. Nobody who didn’t get a full life. There was something about that piece of information that made Rick want to know more. He had longed for someone to relate to. But why did it have to be someone like Negan?

“Rick!”

Rick was sitting at his desk during second block. Maggie Greene peered in the doorway. She taught Biology.

“Hey Maggie, what’s up?”

“Did you hear about what happened with Glenn?” Maggie said, she was breathing a little heavily.

“No, what?” Rick asked.

“I guess he accidentally took the new guys spot in the parking lot. You know they never did give Glenn a real spot yet. Anyway the guy freaked out at Glenn. Dale worked it all out. But still…” Maggie said. She gave Rick a look that made Rick want to sigh in deep frustration. She wanted him to talk to Negan. He knew it.

“I’ll talk to him.”

“Thanks Rick. If anyone can set someone straight, it’s you.” Maggie smiled, tapped the door twice and walked away.

Rick slumped in his chair. He threw the pen he was holding down on the desk and stood up. Rick found himself walking past the cafeteria and down the gym hallway. He peered into the classrooms but couldn’t find Negan. Abraham was directing a class in the main gym. Rick peered into the workout room and saw Negan running on a treadmill. He was in gym shorts and a grey t-shirt. He opened the door and was met with Billy Idol blasting on the stereo. He quickly turned it off.

Negan slowed down on the treadmill and turned around. “Oh if it ain’t ol’ Rick Grimes!” Negan said, donning a southern accent that could offend the entire southern United States.

“I heard you’re already picking fights.” Rick said, walking to the treadmill. Negan jogged lightly.

“I have a bit of a temper problem. What can I fucking say?”

“Well, knock it off. Dale has no tolerance for that shit.” Rick said.

“Yeah, yeah, I already talked to him. We done here?” Negan asked. “I’m trying to work out. You know, live a little longer? Unless you wanna join me. But you don’t look like much of a workout man.”

Rick furrowed his brow. “What does that mean??”

Negan laughed at this. “Nothing, Grimes. Just that you seem like you teach history, go home, and watch the Disney channel with your kids.”

“I work out.” Rick said, tiredly. “Just not at school. I have work to do when I’m here.”

“Yowch!” Negan laughed. “Hey man, teaching gym might not seem like real work to you, but it fucking is. I just get my shit done timely.”

Rick shook his head and began to walk off.

“Hey, hey!” Negan called after him. Rick stopped walking. “How old are you, Grimes?” Rick tilted his head at the question. Negan noticed. “Why the fuck do people get so offended over someone asking them their damned age?”

Rick scoffed. “I’m not offended. I just don’t know why you’re askin’.”

Negan smirked at the way Rick’s accent dipped deeper into its southern twang. “I like to know people’s ages. I’m 51. Can you fucking believe it?”

“Actually, no.” Rick said and sighed. “I’m almost 41. My birthday’s the beginning of October.”

Negan grimaced. “Oh FUCK!” He yelled and turned off the treadmill. He put a hand to his face and started laughing. “I’m ten years older than you?? What the fuck??”

Rick shrugged.

“See, this is why I’m working out. I gotta keep up with guys like you.”

“Guys like me?”

“Yeah. Young, vibrant. I bet you get all the student-teachers wanting to fuck you right?” Negan laughed.

Rick felt stunned by the question. The entire conversation was all over the damned place. “No.” Rick said sternly.

Negan held up his hands. “Alright, alright. But I bet your female students are all daydreamin’ bout you, huh? Mr. Grimes.”

This time Rick looked angrier. “I don’t wanna think about that.”

Negan laughed loudly. “Yeah, sorry. One time I had a girl crush on me. It was so fucking obvious. And awkward as fuck. Because it’s gym class. You know? It’s physical.” Negan almost shuddered at the memory. “They’re kids so they don’t realize how fucked up it is. I once beat up another teacher for flirting with a student.”

Rick’s expression changed from pissed to curious. “Really?”

“Mmhmm. I got in trouble for it, obviously. This was years and years back. I don’t tolerate that shit. He got fired, thankfully. But I also got fired. But, whatever.”

“Hm.”

Negan was still on the treadmill, he leaned against the side of it. “So what do you guys do for fun around here?”

“The school or-?”

“The town. I’m totally new here.”

“Oh, well...I mean. Movie theater...bowling alley. Roller Rink…” Rick trailed off.

“Okay, let me rephrase that. What’s a grown ass man without a family supposed to do for fun around here?” Negan asked.

Rick actually laughed this time, but he shrugged. “There’s a few bars, there’s one next to the theater.”

“Cool.” Negan said. He wiped sweat from his forehead. “I gotta go shower, see ya around Grimes.” He said, stepping off the treadmill and passing Rick.

Rick stood in the workout room alone. He didn’t know what he felt. Intrigue. Maybe. Hm.

* * *

At the end of the school day, Rick met up with a few of the teachers out in the parking lot. He was joined by Maggie, Glenn (English), Michonne (Economics/Government), and Daryl.

“So you talked to Negan?” Maggie asked. She held Glenn’s hand lightly.

“You didn’t have to do that Rick. I told Maggie not to say anything.” Glenn said.

“No it was fine. I talked to him. I don’t really know if anything came from the conversation though.” Rick shrugged. He saw Michonne’s eyes look past him. He turned around and saw Abraham walk towards them. He had a large gym bag in his hand.

“That fucking new guy.” He mumbled.

Michonne laughed softly. “Hey, we told you Rosita leaving would suck.”

Abraham rolled his eyes. “Yeah, yeah. But she wants to be a personal trainer. I ain’t gonna stop her from her dreams.”

Rick looked at Abraham. “So you having trouble with him?” He asked.

“Nothing to cry to Dale about. He’s just annoying as hell. Keeps callin’ me Red.”

* * *

Rick was having a good start to his semester. The kids he had were all pretty well behaved and actually liked what they were learning. Rick saw Negan around a couple times but he tried to stick to his side of the school. He wasn’t actively avoiding the man...well...maybe he was. He just felt like every conversation might somehow trap Rick in a spotlight. Rick had realized that Negan had a way of making you feel completely vulnerable. He wondered if his students felt that way.

“Alright everyone! Break off into your teams. We’re playing dodgeball.” Negan yelled, wheeling out a cart of red dodgeballs.

Carl and Sophia sighed almost in unison. This was their fifth time playing dodgeball in the span of the first three weeks of school. Everyone stared at Negan.

“What??” He asked.

“Can we play something else?” Ron Anderson, one of Carl’s classmates, asked.

Negan’s eyebrow twitched. “What, you kids don’t like dodgeball??”

“Who likes dodgeball?” Carl muttered.

Negan laughed lowly to himself. “Wow kid you give the same kinda sour look as your dad.” Carl looked surprised by the comment. “That’s right, kid. Your dear ol’ dad came to talk to me. Make sure I wasn’t lonely.” Negan laughed again at Carl’s clear embarrassment. “Alright guys we’ll play field hockey outside.” This made the kids excited. Going outside was always preferred. The kids started to gather the equipment and head outside.

“Don’t worry Carl,” Sophia said. “Everyone likes your dad. He can’t say anything that will make any of us laugh at you.”

“Yeah I guess.”

“Hurry up!” They heard Negan yell ahead of them. They both jogged to the field.

* * *

“So how’s gym?” Rick asked as Sophia and Carl piled into the car. They both groaned.

“He mentioned you today.” Carl said.

“What?” Rick asked.

“Said you talked to him.”

“He said you came by to make sure he wasn’t lonely.” Sophia added. Carl shot her a look. “What? He did.”

Rick laughed. “Oh.”

“Don’t do anything that’s going to make him single me out.” Carl mumbled.

“What would I do to make him single you out?” Rick asked.

“I don’t know! Police him?”

Rick laughed again. “I’m not gonna police him. Unless he needs policing.”

Carl just rolled his eyes. His dad could be such a tattle tale sometimes. Rick knew that about himself. He liked to keep people in line. That was really it. He liked things to run smoothly. If Negan was going to threaten that then Rick would do something about it.

* * *

Thunder struck loud during second period the following day. Rick was walking towards the cafeteria to get a soda out of the vending machine. He turned the corner to find Negan standing there, opening a can of orange soda.

“Hey Grimes. Crazy weather huh?” Negan said.

“Yep.” Rick nodded and put his quarters in the machine. It dispensed an orange can.

“Copy cat.” Negan mused.

Rick laughed and shrugged. “The end of September always brings the craziest storms around here. It’s weird.”

“Hm. So how has history been?” Negan took a sip of his soda.

“It’s fine. We’re getting more into it now that it’s almost October. I’m gonna be grading essays before I know it.” Rick shook his head. “Can’t escape homework.”

Negan smirked. “That’s why I like gym. We only do shit like that occasionally. I’m gonna be teaching health next marking period.”

“That should be interesting.” Rick mumbled.

Negan grinned wildly. “Fuck off. But seriously, I’m a blunt asshole...I don’t know if I should be teaching health class. But I guess someone’s gotta keep the little bunnies from making more bunnies, right?”

Rick thought of Carl and grimaced. “Yes. Please.”

Negan laughed. “You got a good kid. I don’t think you have to worry.”

Thunder roared and lightning struck, close enough to make the lights dim for a second. Rick stared wide eyed at the direction of the noise. Negan tilted his head, he was staring at Rick. Rick’s eyes scanned the windows. He shifted his eyesight towards Negan...realizing he was being stared at.

“What?” Rick asked.

“...Nothing.”


	2. Phone Call

“Dad!!” 

“I hear it, I just have to take dinner out of the oven!” Rick called out. He was currently making dinner in the kitchen. The phone on the wall was ringing like a siren. The windows were open. It was the end of September. Rick took the oven mitts off and took the phone off it’s rattling home. “Hello?” Rick asked.

“Hey Rick!” A voice said on the other line, it was filled with electricity. Or at least, that’s how it sounded in Rick’s ear. 

Rick furrowed his brow and leaned the phone in between his neck and shoulder. “Negan?” 

“Yeah!”

“Uh.” Rick couldn’t help but pause. He wasn’t much a phone talker himself, so whenever people dialed for Rick he found it odd. Why was he calling anyway? “What’s...up?” 

“Yesterday you said you said your favorite time period to teach was the Civil War, there’s a special on PBS about it right now.” 

“Oh…uh, cool...thanks.” Rick said, eyes glancing to nowhere. 

“Yeah no fucking problem. Well, see ya tomorrow.” 

“Yeah, see ya.” Rick said. They both hung up. Rick’s hand rested on the phone. There was always hesitation when Rick found himself making a new friend. He had a solid group of friends and it wasn't that there isn't room for more...but it was definitely something Rick didn't particularly go for. Still, Negan was someone he could relate to...and that was still creating some kind of itch in Rick’s mind. He felt himself wanting to open up. Spill out all the poison that built up inside him for the past five years that nobody could handle. But he had to hold it back. He didn’t know Negan well enough for that yet. 

“Who was that?” Carl said, entering the kitchen and examining the dinner on the table. Judith was close behind, climbing on one of the chairs. 

“Negan.” Rick broke from his trance.

“What? Why?” 

He noted how annoyed Carl looked. “Just to tell me something was on TV.” 

“Oh…”

“Why? You causing any trouble in gym?” Rick joked. Carl only gave him that sour look. 

Rick flipped around in his bed that night. Tossing and turning like a castaway. He didn’t like how much he was thinking about the phone call. The start of the school year was still very fresh, even if it was almost October. And Rick barely knew Negan. Just because Negan lost his wife too didn’t mean Rick had to be his best friend. But there was something about the whole thing that made Rick stay awake longer than he wanted. 

* * *

Rick was walking towards his classroom when he spotted one of the other history teachers, Morgan Jones. He also taught Sociology and Psychology some semesters. Rick often told him he should have been one of the counselors. Their classrooms were next to each other.

“Good morning, Rick.” Morgan said, offering up a kind smile. 

Rick smiled back. “Hey.” 

“You look tired, you alright?” 

“Yeah I’m fine.” Rick let out a small laugh. Why was Morgan always so perceptive? “So how’s your classes?” 

“They’re good so far. We’re getting into the part of the year where we actually dive into the material more, so that’s always fun. How’s the new guy? I hear you’ve been talking with him.” Morgan said.

Rick didn’t know what to make of that. Was everyone just hoping Rick would take the brunt of Negan’s presence? “Yeah he’s okay. He’s a little hard to talk to though.” Rick smirked. A little? Right. A little. “We both have second period free and I can’t seem to get a drink from the cafeteria without running into him.” 

Morgan laughed and shrugged. “So you get a new friend, that can be good.” 

“You should hear the way he talks. I’m surprised he’s made it this far as a teacher.” Rick kept meaning to ask Carl how Negan was now that they were settling in, but Carl hadn't complained recently so he had to assume things were fine. 

“Yeah. Oh hey, don’t forget we have a meeting today about the Club Fair.” Morgan said, he was about to head into his classroom.

“Oh yeah, thanks. Michonne’s still leading the Student Government Club right?” 

“Yeah.” 

Rick nodded. “Good. She’s way better at it then me.”

“That’s why we’re just volunteers.” Morgan smirked and the two parted ways into their classrooms.

Talking with Morgan always made Rick feel better somehow. Even when they were just talking casual. Morgan was one of those people where it felt like you knew them your whole life even if you didn't. A lot of Rick's friends gave off that vibe. Negan didn't. No...he was definitely something else. And Rick couldn't pin him down just yet. But maybe he didn't have to.

Teaching history to high school students was a lot more fun than Rick had ever thought. Either Rick was just a good teacher or his students were just good students, because they always had a good time. Rick knew it was hard to be a new teacher, a lot harder than being a new student. He wondered how Glenn was doing. He knew him because of Maggie. And getting hired at Alexandria High wasn’t hard when your girlfriend’s a teacher there and her father has been the guidance counselor for decades. He wondered what led Negan to applying to the school. What led to his hiring. He had a personality that couldn’t be hidden. But maybe Negan was a lot more charming when he actually wanted to be. It was possible. But somehow that seemed unlikely.

Rick’s focus was fading when two students were whispering to each other in the back of the classroom. 

“Hey are you guys alright?” Rick asked. 

The two students immediately sat up. “Sorry Mr. Grimes.”

One of the students was visibly bothered and Rick couldn’t help but feel protective over them. “Lizzie, are you okay?” 

Lizzie brought a hand to her hair. She looked at Rick pathetically. “Yeah I’m fine. I just forgot my gym clothes.”

“Negan’s a total jerk when you forget your clothes.” The other student said. Rick didn’t know what to think first. That Negan was an asshole for no real reason, or that he had his students call him Negan. Rick didn’t know the man’s last name. He assumed he was like Madonna. 

There was chatter amongst the students now. “I have him next marking period! I’m scared.” A girl said.

“He’s not that bad.” Another said.

“Are you kidding? He threw a dodgeball at me and we weren’t even playing dodgeball!” 

“Is it true he makes you run five laps before each class???” 

The kids started talking amongst themselves, conjuring up the ridiculous rumors that were somehow spreading about Negan. It came with being a new teacher. And it was unfortunate. But Negan was an asshole. So their fears weren’t that irrational. The classroom started getting louder. And the rumors more ridiculous. 

“Guys! Guys!!” Rick called. The class settled down. Their teen bodies radiating with anxiety. Rick could have laughed, but he knew how it felt. “Lizzie if you want to use the classroom phone you can call your parents to bring your gym clothes.” 

“Thanks Mr. Grimes...but they’re both at work. I already tried them on the payphone in the hall...” 

Rick sighed. “Oh...well...then you’ll get through it. Gym isn’t forever.” 

Lizzie nodded. The kids who knew Rick knew that was something he often said. It isn’t forever. Death gave Rick perspective like that. And he couldn’t help but pass that to others. So much didn’t matter anymore after Lori’s death. There was something freeing about that. Buried beneath all of the sadness was a liberation. Rick was still trying to let himself take those risks and find that freedom. But it was there. 

* * *

Fall was approaching and it was evident that day in particular. Rick liked keeping his classroom windows open and he could feel the light chill coming through into the room. Kids were leaving his classroom to go catch the bus. It was the end of the day and Rick hadn’t seen Negan at all so far. He didn’t think he would at this point. Not that it really mattered. He didn’t know if he should let Negan know that his students are living in fear of their lives or not. He didn’t want to seem like he was stepping on Negan’s toes. Or territory. Or whatever Rick would be stepping on by telling him to cool it with the intensity. 

Rick stood up and made his way to the Conference Room the staff used for larger meetings. It was a decent sized room with three tiers of seating and tables, like a mini auditorium. The room was being filled with the various teachers that oversaw a club. Rick and Morgan were backup for a few. Rick felt something turn in him when he saw Negan walk into the room. Negan immediately walked over to Rick.

“What are you doing here?” Rick asked.

“Jeez…” Negan huffed.. 

“Uh-n-no I didn’t mean it like...I meant-”

“HAHAHA.” Negan barked, he slapped Rick on the shoulder. “Relaaax, I’m kidding. I’m taking over the Athletic Department’s shit for a little bit so I gotta help with the fundraisers for the teams and whatever.” 

“Oh, right.” Rick nodded.

“Hey it’s almost your birthday right?” Negan asked.

“Huh? Y-yeah. It’s the 9th. Same day as the Club Fair.” Rick said. 

“Cool.” 

Rick smirked. He wished he didn’t. Negan sat behind him during the meeting. Rick tried to keep focus on what Deanna, the vice principal, was saying. But he couldn't help but feel watched. It was ridiculous. But there was something about Negan that made him feel out of his element. Like a rabbit skirting around a wolf.

After the meeting Rick shoved all the papers he received into his messenger bag. He got out his keys and was about to leave the room when Negan put his hand on Rick’s shoulder again. Rick turned around. 

“Yeah?” 

“So we just go to the field early to set up and the kids basically do the rest right? Is that what I gathered?” Negan asked.

“You’ve never done something like this before?” Rick asked, he was trying to find the history of Negan’s career in his eyes. But all he saw was something like thunder.

Negan looked a bit embarrassed. Rick almost wished he just answered the man’s fucking question. “I never really was a volunteer kinda guy.” Negan admitted. “But I don’t have anything to fill my time anymore so here we fucking are.” 

Rick appreciated the honesty. He leaned back on the table. “We get there early, the kids from the clubs and organizations will get there early too. There’s gonna be fold out tables, chairs, some food booths. It’s pretty basic. We have an actual fair in Spring though. That will take more manpower. So for now you have nothing to stress over.” 

“I’m not fucking stressed about it.”

“Okay.” Rick began to walk away.

“Wait!” 

Rick kept walking, but slowed down enough for Negan to know that meant to just follow him. They walked through the halls and out into the parking lot.

“So what club do you run, Mr. Grimes?” Negan asked.

Rick shot him a look and stared ahead. “I don’t run any. I just like to help out sometimes.” 

“I think you like to help out ALL the time.” Negan muttered.

“Is there a problem with that?” Rick asked.He liked the moments where he could catch Negan off guard. It made Rick not feel as taunted by the guy. 

“No.”

“Hm.” 

“So did you watch that PBS thing I told you about?” Negan asked.

Rick looked up at Negan and tried to conceal a twisted smile. “Uh, I turned it on. It was about the Revolutionary War actually.” 

“What?” 

“That’s not...that’s not the Civil War.” 

The look on Negan’s face made Rick burst out laughing. Yeah...catching Negan off guard was definitely fun. Negan furrowed his brow. “That’s the last fucking time I go out of my fucking way for anyone.” 

Rick’s laughter subsided. “Speaking of, how did you get my number?” 

Negan put his hand to the back of his neck. “Phonebook, obviously.” 

“Oh...right.” 

“Fucking...damn, in my defense I didn’t really watch much of it before I called you.” Negan said.

“Sure.”

“If you start making gym teacher jokes I’ll fucking sock you.” Negan growled.

“You’ll ‘sock’ me.” Rick laughed hard.

Negan stared at Rick with venom. But the smile on his face told Rick it was okay. “Alrighty Grimes, I’ll catch ya tomorrow.” 

“Yeah.” 

Rick got into his car, he watched Negan pull away. He hated that he was smiling. Why was he smiling? What the fuck was happening? Conversation. Just conversation. Rick shook his head and drove home. 

At home Rick found peace in his study. It used to be a room he and Lori used a lot, but after her passing he found it was time to make a proper workspace for himself. Carl had intervened to make it less “professor” and more “cool teacher.” A Jaws poster hung next to a poster for Raiders of the Lost Ark. His back faced a window which was currently open. Screen keeping out anything unwanted. Rick was trying to savor whatever warmth was still residing in the air. Not much. But just enough. The night air always seemed to hold all of Rick’s feelings. Suspended in breezes of knowing. Rick tried to ignore it’s incessant calling.

Rick stared at the phone in his office. It held a lot more than wires and numbers for Rick. Sometimes it would ring. On the days where Rick’s eyes showed the exhaustion from grief and taking care of a baby. He would pick it up. He wouldn’t have to wait for the caller to speak. Lori would tell him to hold on. That it would all be alright. The phone stopped ringing because of her years ago. A sign of progress. But sometimes Rick found himself wanting to hear it ring again. Only when he would answer it, she’d be on the other end. Rick still needed someone to tell him it was all alright. He couldn’t be that for himself. No matter how many times and days he tried. 

* * *

It was currently a few days until Rick’s birthday. He had gotten to the school early to work out a few extra lesson plans. Carl and Sophia were probably in the library. They refused to take the bus ever since Rick became their personal chauffeur. Rick was sitting at his desk trying to grade homework when he was interrupted by someone humming the Jaws theme.

Rick looked up to find Negan slinking into his classroom, and then leaning back comically far. “Hello Ricky.” 

Rick knew he was squinting at Negan, but he also knew a small smile was working its way onto his face. He decided talking would be the best way to stop that from happening. “Hey. You’re here early.” 

“Yeah.” Negan laughed. He looked around Rick’s classroom closely, it almost felt violating. “Cute room. I mean that.” But a wild smile spread across Negan’s face.

Rick rolled his eyes. “So what do you need?” Rick said, leaning back in his chair. 

Negan shrugged. “Nothing. Well, kind of. I was wondering what you do for lunch. Like, where do you go?” 

“I eat in the teacher’s lounge in this wing. Why? Do you...not eat in your teacher’s lounge?” Rick asked. He hadn’t talked much with Negan. But he assumed he was doing his own thing in the Gym wing and he didn’t think to ask if Negan had any more questions.

“N-no. I’ve been eating in my fucking classroom.” 

Rick noticed Negan fidgeting, enough to cause him to sit on one of the front desks to stop. Rick couldn’t help but find it endearing, but he shoved whatever those feelings were down somewhere deep. “Well, we both have second period free, if you want to eat lunch with me I don’t care.” 

Negan cleared his throat and then smiled wide. “Now that’s a fucking friend right there!” He hopped off the desk. “I’m not very good at this social shit if we’re being completely fucking honest.”

“It’s fine.” Rick said. 

“Hey Rick-” Rick and Negan both looked towards the door. Maggie was standing in the doorway, she stared warily at Negan. “Uh, I was wondering if I could borrow your stapler for a sec. The lounge doesn’t have one it in for some reason.”

“Yeah no problem.” Rick said, getting up and handing his stapler over to Maggie. She gave him a comforting look before leaving the classroom. 

“I think she hates me.” Negan chuckled. “I’ve run into her a few times and she never talks to me for more than a second.” 

“Well...the guy you yelled at in the parking lot was her boyfriend.” Rick replied smoothly. “That can make a person dislike you.” He smirked. 

“Oh fucking...shit. I don’t know if I’m feeling bad or if I think that’s fucking adorable that they’re dating.” Negan laughed to himself. “I tried that shit before, I mean, before I met my wife. Never could get a work relationship to last. I guess that’s why me and my wife actually lasted. She worked in computers. Which I thought was the coolest fucking shit in the world. I still think it’s the coolest fucking shit in the world. She knew so much about them. I don’t know jack shit. Didn’t then and I don’t now. I’m pretty good at arcade games though. She always dragged me to those things.”

“I’m bad with computers too.” Rick smiled gently. “My wife was a writer. She was working on a novel.” 

The two stood in silence for a moment. Negan snorted. “Damn! Well we’re just a couple of sad fucking losers aren’t we?” He offered Rick a playful smile. One only someone who knew the pain they felt could give. 

Rick returned it and sat back down at his desk. “Yeah.” 

“Alright well,” Negan glanced up at the classroom clock. “I’m gonna head back to the gym.”

“Okay. I’ll see you at lunch.” Rick said.

“Yeah you fucking will.”

Rick watched Negan leave. And he realized how great it felt to finally have someone who understood. He wondered if they would ever talk about it in depth. He knew Negan was probably still dealing with a lot of it. Rick was five years down the line of dealing with it and he knew it still fucking hurt. He wanted to tell Negan that he could talk to him anytime. But that would probably have to wait.

* * *

Friday approached fast. Judith had drawn Rick a lot of pictures for his birthday. Carl helped her make a cake for Rick. He never felt so lucky. The school day came and went. Negan hadn’t shown up for lunch with Rick, he found that odd, but he brushed it off. Oh well. After school Rick helped carry some fold out tables to the football field. The Club Fair wouldn’t cover nearly the length of the field, but they still used it anyway. The track/football field faced the woods. 

The Club Fair was a lot more crowded than Rick remember it being in the past. But it was one of those events where the kids really do most of the work. Each club was practically trying to outdo each other, making theirs seem like the better choice. It was easy for the clubs to overlap each other during the week, so picking and choosing was a big deal.  Rick was talking with Morgan and Michonne while the kids did their thing. They stood on the track. Michonne had become a close friend over the years. Rick remembered her being so cold in the beginning. It was funny how people can come into your life one way and stay another. Rick probably would have asked her out by now, if not for Michonne’s girlfriend Andrea. She was one of the guidance counselors. Rick wasn’t close to all of the Alexandria staff, but there was a definite core group he was a part of. It was nice. Especially since Rick had little family of his own. 

“I heard you’ve got a pet.” Michonne mused, staring playfully at Rick.

Rick laughed and scratched at his beard. “Kind of.”

“I hope he doesn’t curse in front of the kids.” Morgan muttered, he looked over towards the Athletic booth. Negan was standing next to it, keeping a watchful eye on his students. 

“Yeah…” Rick replied. 

“Speak of the devil…” Michonne said as the three saw Negan making his way towards them. 

“Rick!” Negan exclaimed, voice cracking slightly. “How are you guys?”

“Good.” Rick said, smiling. Why was he always smiling so much?? Jesus fucking Christ. 

At this point, Negan had pretty much met most of the teachers that Rick hung out around. They weren’t too fond of him, but their trust in Rick led them to accept him. Even if they had to force it. Michonne scooted away to go make sure their students were okay. Morgan followed soon after. Rick shoved his hands in his jacket pocket. The air was much cooler now. And the sky was beginning to turn dark. But it still held some light in it.

“So we’re gonna have our first football game here soon. Do you go to those?” Negan asked.

“Yeah.” Rick nodded, eyes trailing to Negan’s leather jacket and red scarf. He had only ever seen Negan in his usual white gym shirt. It reminded him of a movie he saw with Carl over the summer. Something about vampires...but Rick was always shit at remembering titles. 

“Alright, Grimes. Hold out your hand.” Negan said.

“What?” 

“Hold out your damn hand.” Negan groaned. Rick held out his hand and stared at Negan. He watched as Negan reached into his back pocket and slap a card in his hand. “Happy birthday.” 

Rick almost laughed at the card’s condition. How long was this stuffed awry in Negan’s back pocket? It wasn’t even in an envelope. Rick looked at the front. It had a cartoon lion on it with the words “Lion around on your Birthday?” Rick flipped it open. “Sounds purr-fect!” Rick laughed loudly at the ridiculousness of Negan handing this over to him. Rick then read, or tried to read, Negan’s handwriting below the text. “Hey Rick, HAPPY FUCKING BIRTHDAY, stay cool. Yeehaw” 

Rick closed the card and looked up at Negan. “Thanks.” He said. 

“Yeah no problem.” Negan grinned like an idiot. Rick had to look away. “So got any big weekend plans?” 

Rick shook his head. “No, I don’t do anything. Well, Saturday is family night. I watch a movie with my kids.” 

“That’s adorable as fuck.” 

Rick shrugged. “What about you? Or are you still adjusting to the place?” 

“Yeah…I’ve been to the bar by the movie theater a few times but...I’m kind of over the sad single guy drinking alone lifestyle.” 

“You know sometimes they have singles night there.” 

“Yeah? You go to those kinds of things?” Negan laughed hoarsely. 

“N-no. I just know about it.” Rick said quickly. He shoved the birthday card in his back pocket.

Negan only laughed. “Eh. I’ve had some hookups and whatever but I don’t know. I’m beginning to think Lucille was the only woman who could handle me.”

“Yeah I know the feeling. My wife Lori was just so different than the people I’ve met since her death.” Rick shrugged. “Most of the time I just...don’t really care though.” 

“Mmhm, but damn aren’t there those nights you’re lying by your damn self. Can’t fucking sleep. And you just wish someone was next to ya.” 

Rick looked at Negan hesitantly. “...Yeah.” 

“Alright well, enough of this sad shit. I’m gonna head back to my fucking booth.” Negan placed a hand on Rick’s shoulder and shook Rick. “Have a great fucking weekend Rick.” 

“You too.” Rick laughed softly. He returned back to the booth but couldn’t focus on anything in front of him. He didn’t know why. Every time they talked about their wives Rick could feel that poison tempting to spill out. It would cover their feet for sure. It was all beginning to make Rick feel sick inside. But there was also a new feeling there. A chance. 

* * *

It was 5am when Rick woke up drenched in sweat. He breathed heavily. He had thrown his comforter off of him. The nightmare wasn’t unfamiliar. His kids were in danger. And Rick couldn’t save them. It haunted his subconscious like the irrational fear that it was. But they were all he had. And he couldn’t bear the thought of losing one of them. He fell back against his pillows and tried to go back to sleep. Why were good dreams so rare? 

Sunday mornings were Rick’s time to relax and get the house back together. He let Judith and Carl sleep in. He was sitting in his office when he thought of calling Negan. He didn’t know what for. And he didn’t really know why he wanted to call him in the first place. Nobody needed to hear Rick’s sob story that spanned five years. And he didn’t feel right wanting to dump that all on Negan, who was sure as hell still going through his own shit. Negan had given Rick his number “since he knew Rick’s and not the way other around,” as Negan had put it. Rick picked up the phone in his office and dialed. He started feeling nervous when he realized he hadn’t figured out what to say. 

“Hello?” A tired, gravelly voice asked on the other line.

“Uh, h-hey Negan, it’s Rick. Did I wake you? Sorry.” Rick hated the way his voice sounded. Why was he talking so damn fast?  

“Oh Rick! Yeah you woke me but it’s okay. Damn you’re an early bird.” 

“It’s 11:00…” Rick said, looking at his watch.

He heard Negan laugh. “I’m an afternoon/night kinda guy. What did you need, Rick?” 

Rick cleared his throat. Shit. What did he need? Why the fuck was he calling? “Uhh.” UHH?!?!

“Damn Rick, you already fucking forgot?” 

Rick laughed nervously. “I guess I did.” Fucking. Idiot. 

“Well then I’ll talk.” Negan said. “Turns out the bar was having a singles night. I decided to stick around. There was this girl there. Hot as fucking all get out. Every dude was trying to talk to her. But I’ve got fucking charm or whatever the fuck and she was actually into me. We were having a great ole’ fucking time. I thought for sure I was gonna get laid. And then this fucking...Adonis walks in. I’m talking movie star level. And she ditched me like I was a fucking...skunk or some shit. Reminded me why I don’t fucking do that shit.” 

“Hm. Yeah, I was never much a bar person-”

“I figured that much.”

“Hm?”

“You’re a wholesome guy Ricky.” Negan laughed. 

“You’ve only known me for six weeks.”

“Aw, you’re counting?”

“No. We’ve been in school for six weeks.” 

“Hmm, alrighty.”

“And I did try the bar scene for a little bit. One of my friends forced me to try and ‘get back out there.’ Nothing lasted more than a night.” Rick said.

“True love is hard to find twice I guess.” Negan said, tone shifting. “Hell, if a guy like you can’t get a girl yet there’s sure as fuck no hope for me.” 

“I mean...it’s not that I can’t get one-”

“I know, I know. You ain’t looking.”

“Yeah…” 

“So uh, did you remember why you called me?” Negan asked.

Rick closed his eyes. “Yeah I...I was wondering if Abraham is using the workout room this week during second period.”

“Holy shit Rick, are you gonna fucking work out?” 

“I was thinking of it, yeah.” 

“Yeah it’s open. That’s actually great, I need a spotter for the heavy stuff.” Negan said.

Rick breathed sharply. “Yeah okay.” 

Negan laughed wildly. “Oh man, Ricky. You know I didn’t really believe you when you said you worked out. But I guess I’ll see for my fucking self tomorrow.” Negan was taunting him. It made Rick burn. 

Rick sighed. “Yep. I guess you will.” 

“Alright Rick. It’s a motherfucking date.” 

“Okay.” Rick said hesitantly. 

Negan kept laughing. “Bye.” 

“Yeah bye.” Rick put down the phone and collapsed back in his chair. He hasn’t worked out in God knows how long. Negan was just intimidating enough to make Rick say that shit a few weeks back. But mentioning it now was all he could come up with. He didn’t understand why he was so nervous around the guy all the damn time. He decided to chalk it up to Negan’s personality. He was charismatic, loud, and said whatever the fuck he wanted. He was intimidating and wasn’t afraid to call you out on anything. That had to be it. It had to be.

But there was something about the wasps buzzing around in Rick that felt a tiny bit like butterflies. But that would be fucking ridiculous. Right? Right.


	3. Static

Rick stared at the small gym bag under his desk in his classroom. He tilted his head back in annoyance. He was always bad at making up excuses. It wasn’t shocking to him that he was about to work out with Negan. And make a fool of himself. That too. He grabbed the bag and headed to the locker room. The school had built a small section for staff. It included two showers, two bathroom stalls, and some gym lockers. Rosita and Abraham used to work out all the time after school or when the room wasn’t being used by students. They would try to get Rick to join them but Rick declined for obvious reasons. Rick looked at the masking tape that was slapped on some of the lockers. He saw Daryl’s name scrawled on one. That explained the man’s arms. And then he saw Michonne’s name on one of the lockers too. Was everyone prepared for the apocalypse but him? Of course they were.

Rick changed into a t-shirt and shorts and changed his shoes out for sneakers. He threw his bag in the corner of the room and rounded the corner out into the hall. He ran straight into Negan. The impact made his head spin. 

“WOAH!” Negan boasted. “Someone’s excited!” 

“Fuck off.” Rick muttered, regaining his balance.

“DAMN, he curses.” Negan grinned. “What’s got your underwear in a bunch, sunshine?” Rick shot Negan a Grimes-Certified Stink Eye and kept walking. The two went into the workout room, and Negan immediately turned on the stereo. He pushed in a cassette. “We’re listening to Billy Idol.” 

“You always listen to Billy Idol when you work out?” Rick asked, remembering ‘White Wedding’ blasting when he had entered the room weeks back. 

“Yep.” Negan grinned. He was wearing a shirt that he had haphazardly cut the sleeves off of. It had some rock band on the front that Rick couldn’t make out. But Rick didn’t stare too long. 

“So, what first.” Rick said, it wasn’t so much of a question as it was an early admittance of defeat. He already felt tired as hell.

“Stretching, then treadmill.” Negan said. “We’re jogging. You think you can handle that?” 

Rick held back a groan. “Yes I can handle that.” 

The two did some light stretching before getting on the treadmill. They began running. Rick immediately regretted it. All he could think of was being sweaty and red during third period, trying to get through his lesson without passing out from lack of oxygen. He looked over at Negan, who looked like a damn pro. 

“Okay so I lied.” Rick huffed. Negan leaned over and increased the speed on Rick’s treadmill. The beeping signifying Rick’s demise. “What are you doing that for?” He asked. 

“Liars get punished.” Negan said smoothly. It sent a shiver down Rick’s spine. “ _ Run Rick _ .” 

Rick stared at him, eyes trying to detect the moment Negan would stop speaking sadistically and when he would cackle like a hyena and say “just kidding!” It didn’t happen. Rick ran. 

“And no duh you were lying. Look at you.” Negan laughed lowly, he stared forward. “I don’t even have to look over to know you’re staring at me all angry and shit. Don’t get fucking insulted Rick. You seem like the type of guy to get toned. And that’s fine. But I ain’t that type of guy. Still, you lied. So we’re gonna do my fucking work out. And you’re gonna fucking like it.” 

Rick swallowed hard. What the fuck was with this guy? Suddenly Rick felt like one of his students. Living in fear of forgetting his gym clothes. Rick could feel himself sweating. But he was starting to think it wasn’t from the running. Somewhere along the last five years Rick had gone soft. And he didn’t like it. 

“Well, I’m in my prime, right? Everyone wants to fuck me, right? So why do I gotta do this shit.” Rick said. The irritability was now oozing out of him. Oh well. 

“Damn. I didn’t know you could get  _ feisty _ , Rick.”

“Yeah there’s a lot you don’t know about me.” Rick huffed. He turned down the treadmill a few notches. 

“Hmmm.” Negan hummed. “That’s true. Fifteen more minutes on the treadmill Rick. Then we stretch and bench press.” 

Rick shook his head and groaned. Negan laughed. The song changed and Negan began singing along. 

_ “It’s hot here at night, lonely black and quiet, on a hot summer night.”  _ Rick looked over at him. Negan stared back. “ _ Don’t be afraid, of the world we’ve made, on a hot summer night.”  _

Rick definitely felt the temperature in the room get warmer. Negan wasn’t a particularly good singer, but something about his voice made Rick feel a certain way. This whole morning was making Rick feel dizzy. Fuck this.  

“Please tell me you know this song, Ricky.” 

“Of course I know this song.” Rick rolled his eyes. “You gonna be the next Billy Idol or something?” 

Negan barked with laughter. That fucking hyena. “Hell no! I’d get myself in all sorts of trouble if I had any ounce of fame. I’d probably be one of those stars that spirals out and whatever.” 

Rick laughed at that. “I could only imagine.”

“You’d be one of those fucking A-listers that stays perfect.” Negan began. “Even the goddamn tabloids wouldn’t be able to lie about you.”

“I feel like you have a weird idea of who I am.” Rick laughed, or tried to laugh. But he was so out of breath already that it just sounded sad.

Negan shrugged. “I don’t fucking know. I don’t think I’ve ever met someone like you before. You don’t fucking pretend. You’re interesting. And you’re easy to trust.” 

Rick looked over at Negan suspiciously. “Are you serious?” 

“What?”

“I don’t know. What’s with the damn compliments all a sudden?” Except it wasn’t “all a sudden.” Rick had noticed Negan talked highly of him. And it confused the shit out of Rick. Most people trusted Rick easily, but Negan? He didn’t expect this from him.

Negan only laughed. “Fine, I’ll go back to fucking with you. For starters, you suck at running.” 

“I know that.” Rick grumbled. 

“So you’re classes are going alright?” Negan asked, changing the subject. 

“Yeah. My students were talking about you the other day actually. They’re scared of you.” Rick looked at Negan, hoping he didn’t just ignite something. Something he didn’t quite have a name for yet. 

“Yeah I’m sure they fucking are. I gotta chill out I guess. But I hate when kids think they can treat a class as a joke just because it’s not something like math or...history.” 

“I get it, but...you can do that without stressing out your kids.” Rick said. 

Negan sighed. “I know.” 

The two slowed down, their last fifteen minutes were up. Negan stepped off and grabbed his water bottle from the floor. Rick watched him practically drown himself with it.

“I’ll teach you some primo stretches.” Negan said. Primo? Rick rolled his eyes. “Here let’s face the mirror. It’s important to be able to see how you're moving your body so you don’t hurt yourself.” 

Rick wanted to leave. He was sweating, tired, and he didn’t feel like having Negan find some other way to humiliate him. But instead he stood next to Negan and faced the mirror. Negan went through a few stretches. Rick watched the way his body moved in his sleeveless shirt and a whole list of expletives ran through his mind. He decided to analyze that later. Like he kept telling himself over and over. 

“Okay Rick, I’m gonna show you how it’s motherfucking done.” Negan walked over to one of the bench presses. “Look, if a senior in highschool can lift shit like this, I know you can. I on the other hand, am pretty fucking strong. So I’m gonna add a ton of weights to mine. We can start light with you.” 

“Jackass.” 

Negan only smirked. Once he was done applying the proper weight to the bar, he sat down and laid along the bench. “You gotta spot me. Don’t get distracted by my pretty face, Rick. I wanna keep it that way.”

“I thought you were pretty fucking strong. If you’re so strong then you don’t need me to spot you, do you?” Rick fired back.

Negan whistled. “I’m starting to learn you’re gonna call me out on my shit, aren’t you Mr. Grimes?” 

“Just lift your bar and let’s get this over with.” Rick sighed. He was growing more and more antsy. 

Negan wrapped his hands around the bar. “This is 225.” He said before lifting it up and doing some reps. After a few more he placed the bar back on it’s rack. He breathed heavily and sat up. “Okay Rick. Your turn. How much do you think you can lift?”

“I don’t know...fifty pounds?” 

“FIFTY?? Rick come _ onnn _ . You can do better than that. Let’s give you eighty.” Negan said, taking off some of the weights. 

“Eighty?? Negan I don’t know. I really can’t afford to hurt myself.” Rick said.

“You’re not gonna hurt yourself. That’s why I’m your spotter.” Negan grinned at Rick. “Come on Ricky! Lie on down.” Negan stood up and patted the bench. Rick sighed and lied down on it. Negan hovered over him like the fucking grim reaper. “Alrighty. Lift.” 

Rick gripped the bar. Negan held his hands under it lightly. “This is way too fucking heavy.” Rick blurted out. 

“You haven’t even  _ tried _ Rick. Goddamn. Get you and your blue eyes together and just do it.” Negan said.

Rick felt a smile escape him. Fuck. He inhaled and lifted the bar up. It was surprisingly not as bad as he thought. But then he felt his arms start to shake. He lowered it and raised it once. 

“Negan I’m serious.”

“Hi serious, I’m Negan.”  

“Just grab the bar.” Rick said through his teeth. 

Negan smiled down at him. Rick tried to glare at him, but his arms were starting to give out. Negan exhaled sharply and grabbed the bar. “Okay Rick. You’re off the hook with the bench press.” Negan lifted it back up on the rack. 

Rick sat up. He looked up at Negan. “This isn’t the wake up call I wanted.” He muttered. “I’m so out of shape.” 

“You just have to go easy. I’ve been doing this for a long time. But you don’t have to do nearly all the shit I do to get in shape, you know.” 

Rick glared at him. “Then why the hell are you making me do this?” 

“Oh sorry I forgot I had a gun pointing at your head.” Negan mused. “ _ Pow pow _ .” 

Rick blinked and scratched at his beard nervously. “Whatever.” 

“You wanna continue? We can do easy shit.” Negan offered.

Rick shook his head. “No. I have to shower.”

“Yeah. You’re sweating like a whore in church.” 

“Yeah...okay well...thanks for nothing I guess.” Rick smirked.

“Hey if you want me to be an actual coach, I’m here.” Negan said. “I was just being an asshole today.”

“Uh...I don’t know. I’ll think about it.” 

“If ya don’t wanna be a fucking weakling, that is.” Negan grinned.

Rick rolled his eyes. 

\---

Rick showered as fast as he possibly could. He had never showered at school before, and he felt weird about it. He was a very private person when it came to that sort of thing. He got dressed quickly and used one of the smaller towels to try and dry his hair more. He looked up when he heard footsteps. Negan was standing there, shirt off. Rick didn’t want to know what he looked like in that moment. Negan laughed his usual jackass laugh and turned on one of the showers. He reappeared outside the curtain and looked at Rick.

“Damn you shower fast.” 

Rick cleared his throat. “Y-yeah. I don’t like public showers.”

“It ain’t  _ that  _ public. At least we get a set of our own.” He said. “That’s pretty cool.” 

“Yeah.” Rick grabbed his bag from the corner of the locker room. “I’ll see you later then.” 

“Someone’s in a hurry.” Negan said. “What’s the fucking rush all the time Rick?”

“I’m not rushing.” Rick said. He avoided Negan’s gaze.

“Whatever you say.”

* * *

The rest of the week went normal. Negan joined Rick for lunch with some of the other teachers and to Rick’s surprise, he was actually becoming acquainted with them. He still had no real filter but there was progress. And it made Rick feel like less of an asshole by association. Even the kids in Rick’s class were settling down on their drama with their gym teacher. Was Negan actually taking Rick’s advice? Damn.

Over the weekend, Rick took Judith and Carl to pick out pumpkins with Carol and Sophia. Rick kept a watchful eye out for Judith as the kids ran around trying to find the best one. He was grateful for Carl and Sophia’s dedication to giving Judith a good time. The sun was bright over the farm. Rick could have lingered in this moment forever. Something about connecting to the Earth. Something about simplicity. Rick and Carol walked side by side, looking out for their own pumpkins. 

“Do the kids complain about their gym teacher to you?” Carol asked, squinting from the sunlight. She brought a hand up to cover the sight of the sun.

Rick groaned. “Yep. But I kind of talked to him about that, so...hopefully he lightens up.”

“Sophia wanted me to get Andrea or Herschel to switch her out. I told her no. I want her to be able to handle anything that comes her way. Is that wrong of me?” Carol asked. 

“No. The guy isn’t  _ that  _ horrible. I’ve had teachers a lot worse. Negan’s just a douchebag.” Rick sighed. 

“That’s what I figured. So, any talks of colleges yet for Carl? Sophia’s still looking...but I’m sure she’ll just be going to Community College. That’s all I can really afford anyway.” 

“Yeah I’d like him to go there too. But knowing Carl...I’m sure he wants the whole experience. He’s already stressing out about his senior year not going perfect. And of course this year I’m part of the Senior Trip planning committee. We start figuring that all out in November. Carl will probably hate that I’m going to be a chaperone.”

“How much is that again?” 

“It’s 75.” Rick said.

“Hm. Okay.”

“So do you ever miss work?” Rick asked.

Carol smirked. “Sometimes. But I like my schedule at the County Library. Does Daryl miss me?” 

“I think right now he’s just missing Beth.” Rick joked. 

Carol laughed and shook her head. “Puppy love.” 

“But yeah, he misses you. They haven’t replaced you yet though. So, how’s Ezekiel?” 

“He’s good. It’s going...good. I don’t know...You know I don’t like to jinx those kinds of things.” Carol stopped walking and looked down at the pumpkin in front of her. “This one looks like a good one.” She said. 

Rick knelt down and examined the pumpkin. He tilted it over, revealing it’s gross side.

“Nevermind.” Carol muttered. “So, speaking of...dating...anything new in that department for you?” 

Rick stood up and wiped his hands on his jeans. He looked at Carol. “No. Well...ah...no.”

“You don’t sound so sure of that, Rick.” Carol said. 

“It’s nothing. I don’t know why I said that.”

“...Alright.” Carol smirked and put her hands in her jacket pockets. “I was talking to Maggie the other day. I think she’s ready to get engaged. She doesn’t know how Glenn feels about taking that step yet. Still, that’s going to be great if it happens. There’s so many damn couples in our circle that I’ve been waiting for a wedding to happen.” 

“You just want there to be an open bar.” Rick joked. 

“Hey that’s always a bonus.”

“They should get married.” Rick added. “Herschel’s property is beautiful. They could have the ceremony right there.” 

“Yeah that’s what Maggie keeps going on and on about.”

“...Would you ever do it? Get remarried?” Rick asked hesitantly.

“Maybe. I don’t know. I used to be a traditionalist. Now I’m kind of just...doing whatever. I don’t really care either way....how about you?”

Rick sighed. “I guess I’ve always been the hopeless romantic type. But it’s still hard to imagine being with someone like that again…” 

“Hey. If it happens it happens. Just go with the flow.” 

“Yeah-”

Rick and Carol’s conversation was cut short when the kids ran back towards them. Carl and Sophia had a couple of pumpkins in their hands, while Judith struggled to hold hers. Rick knelt down and took it from her.

“You ready to paint this one, Judith?” He asked.

“Yeah!!”

* * *

On Sunday Rick figured he would take the time to do the grocery shopping for the week. He had Carl stay home to watch Judith. Whenever he brought them to the grocery store, it went something like this: Judith would try her darndest to put as many snacks in the cart as possible. Everything from candy to expensive cookies. Carl would roll his eyes at Rick’s attempts to planning actual meals. And then the two would complain about the amount of vegetables Rick put into the cart. Needless to say, going to the store by himself was always a lot better.

Rick grabbed a cart and made his way down the produce section first. He decided to spare his kids with an excess of fruit and vegetables this week, but he still picked a few out. After a lot of decision making for dinner this week, he made his way to the snack aisle. Rick mindlessly picked a few snacks out. He held a container and nearly dropped it when he heard his name yelled out from down the aisle. 

“Holy _ SHIT _ , It’s Mr. Grimes!” 

Rick stared, or tried not to stare, wide eyed at Negan coming through the aisle. He was dressed in his leather jacket and scarf combo, and donned boots that could probably kick Rick’s ass in seconds. 

“Whadya got there, pardner?  _ Cheez-Balls! _ ” Negan laughed to himself. “Those are fucking disgusting.” 

Rick looked down at the container in his hands. “I kind of like them.” He said.

Negan made a gagging noise and took the container from Rick. “I’m gonna hook you up with the good shit.” Negan walked a few steps away from Rick, he was scanning the shelves. Rick grabbed the container of Cheez-Balls off the shelf while Negan wasn’t looking and threw them into his cart. When Negan came back, he was holding a few bags of Cheetos. 

“I don’t need that many, Negan.” Rick scoffed.

“Two of them are for me, dumbass.” He tossed one of the bags to Rick. “Cheetos are way better.” 

Rick looked down at the bag. “Yeah they are...but I like both.” He mumbled.

Negan laughed. “You’re weird, Rick. So what are you making for dinner?” Negan said, peering into Rick’s cart. “Whoa, whoa,  _ WHOA _ ! What the  _ fuck _ , Rick? You sneaky fucker.” He rummaged through the cart and pulled out the Cheeze-Balls. 

“I’m getting them.” Rick said.

Negan let them fall back into the cart. “You disgust me, Ricky.” 

“That’s fine. I’m making chili and mac n’ cheese later in the week. Tonight’s just pizza night.” 

“Holy shit...chili and mac n’ cheese? Like...together?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Damn.”

“I’ll bring some into school for you if you want.”

“Fuck, yes. Thanks.” Negan laughed.

“Sure.” Rick looked down at Negan’s basket. It had a six pack of beer, frozen meals, and the two bags of cheetos Negan had just picked up. “I thought you were a health freak.” Rick said.

Negan lifted the basket. “I am. Just not in this moment. Gotta live a little Rick.” 

“Yeah that’s what Carl tells me. If he lived life his way he’d be eating McDonalds and chips all day long. I don’t remember being that difficult as a kid. Even Judith is a picky eater.”

“That your daughter’s name?”

“Huh? Oh, yeah. Carl picked it out.” 

“That’s sweet.” Negan smiled softly. Rick wanted to take a picture of it. It was a lot better than the sadistic grin he usually flashed Rick. “So have you thought about working out with me again?” 

Rick cleared his throat. “Uh, yeah I still don’t know-”

“Jeez, Rick. If you don’t wanna it’s fucking fine.” 

“No it’s not that I don’t want to. I’m just...bad at commitments I guess.” Rick admitted.

“Hey, me too. Especially nowadays. We can do it whenever, it’s fine by me.” 

“Thanks.” 

“Oh shit, you know what I’m gonna get tonight? Some Burger Bundles from Burger King.” Negan said. 

“What?” 

“Are you shitting me, Rick. Do you live under a fucking rock? You can get like, three fucking sliders at Burger King. They’re called Burger Bundles. Haven’t you seen the commercials? Came out in like, the summer or something. I’m gonna get five.”  

“No I haven’t. I’m sure Carl knows what it is. But we’re a McDonalds family.” 

Negan rolled his eyes. “Yeah, tell me when McDonalds comes out with bundles of burgers and I’ll be a McDonalds family too.” 

“Alright well, I really need to get going.” Rick said. “I hope you have a great night with your sliders.” 

“I fucking will. Have a good pizza night.” Negan said. 

“See ya tomorrow.” 

“Bye Rick. Oh fuck! Rick!”

Rick turned around. “Yeah?”

“You going the football game on Friday?” 

“Yeah I’ll be there.” He replied. 

“Cool.”

Rick nodded and headed to the checkout line. It was official, he had a new friend. And Rick actually enjoyed talking to him. A lot. There was something about their conversations that weren’t like the ones he was used to having. Negan had a different way of looking at things. A way that Rick was drawn to. Still, there was something wild about him. He was unpredictable. The whole thing was making Rick feel something he hadn’t felt in a long time. He didn’t know if that feeling was just being alive, or if it was just having something fresh back in his life. Whatever it was, he liked it. Even if nobody else did. It almost felt exciting. Like static. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed the chapter! This was more of a filler so it wasn't that long, the next one is going to really kick off the rest of the story and I am excited for it! Thanks for reading so far :)


	4. Dynamite

The morning was chilly. Rick tried to ignore the inevitability of Winter. He often wondered if he should just move somewhere warmer. Maybe the southwest. Somewhere different. But he was too attached to the people here. It wouldn’t be fun. 

It was quiet in Rick’s side of the school. Homeroom had just let out and he was going to meet Negan in his classroom. It was becoming some sort of routine, minus the days Rick actually wanted to get work done during second period. He rounded the corner of the hall and ran into Maggie.  

“Shoot, sorry Rick.” She mumbled, stepping back. Maggie was clearly flustered and her eyes were glossy. She looked like she could explode at any moment. A ticking time bomb.

“Are you alright?” Rick asked, the concern immediately washing over him. It wasn’t every day that Maggie looked this way. 

“...” Maggie walked into the nearby teacher’s lounge, dragging Rick inside. “I can’t fucking stand him!!!” She yelled, drawing her palms to her face.

Rick flinched at Maggie’s volume. “G-Glenn?” He asked, confused. 

“What?? No! Of course not!  _ NEGAN _ .” Maggie said his name like it did physical damage. She wiped a tear from her face. “And I ain’t cryin’ cause I’m upset, I’m cryin’ cause I’m mad!” 

“Whoa, whoa...what happened?” Rick felt his stomach drop. He had thought he wrangled in Negan, that he no longer would cause any shit. And now Rick thought if that would have been too good to be true. 

“My first period class was given the soccer field this morning, we were doing like a...whatever! It’s not important I don’t feel like explainin’. Anyway, Negan took his class to the soccer field at the same time. I told him I was given the soccer field and he wouldn’t leave! He told me to just move it to another field. But that’s not the point! We got into a huge fight in front of the kids too. He told me to go cry to you again and I lost my shit. My students probably think I’m a psychopath now. And here I am, cryin’ to you. Fuck!” Maggie cursed and crossed her arms. She was shaking with anger.

“I’ll talk to him.”

“Rick you don’t have to-”

“No.” Rick said sternly. Heat began radiating off of his body.  “I’m gonna. Nobody is allowed to talk to you like that.” Rick felt himself burning up with each passing second. These people were his number one priority, along with his kids of course. And he didn’t give a shit who it was who messed with them, he’d go after them. Rick would fall on the sword over and over for family. 

He stormed out of the teacher’s lounge and headed to Negan’s classroom where he usually strayed during second period. As Rick passed the gym entrance, he saw Negan carrying equipment out the backdoors. He walked into the gym, his shoes echoing off of the floor. He felt the cool air coming from the propped open door and headed outside.

“What the  _ hell _ is your problem??”  He growled, seeing Negan as he stepped outside. 

Negan stared at Rick. Venom. He removed the doorstopper and let the door shut, closing them off from the gym. “Wow, she really did fucking cry to you, huh? What are you? The goddamn sheriff or some shit?”

“You can’t treat your coworkers like that.” Rick said.

“I’m sorry, are you my fucking keeper? Back the fuck off, sunshine.” Negan scoffed. He picked up a bucket of baseballs. 

“I thought you were done being an asshole, what the hell happened to that?”

“Gee,  _ RICK _ . Maybe it’s because I’m just an asshole plain and fucking simple. Get the fuck off your fucking high horse and stay the fuck out of my business. First you’re telling me how to act, then you’re telling me how to run my fucking classroom, and now you’re telling me how to talk to my damn coworkers. You’re really starting to piss me off with your Messiah shit.” Negan began walking along the wall, he was heading to a small shed that held some of the gym equipment.

Rick followed Negan and laughed sarcastically. “Are you fucking serious right now? Without me you’d be onto your next school by now. How long do you typically last at one, by the way? Wondering when I can stop babysitting your sorry ass.” 

“I never asked you to do any of that shit for me. Not my fault you’re a goody fucking two shoe wearing square who has to do the right fucking thing all the fucking time. Seriously, Rick. Doesn’t the stick up your ass hurt?” Negan was pure rage now. He had dropped the bucket in the shed and slammed the door shut.

“Sorry for wanting to lend a goddamn hand to people. You know I really thought you just got off on the wrong foot with people. But man, you’re really just a fucking douchebag. Now I don’t have to waste my fucking time trying to make you feel included.”

Negan barked with laughter. “ _ Oh please!  _ God, Rick. Get the fuck over it.” 

“Fine. Now you can go back to being an asshole to your students and coworkers.”

“Fuck you Rick! You’re the one who started flipping shit on me!” 

“Because you’re getting into fights with my friends! You need to work on your goddamn temper before you get fired. I’m sure there’s plenty of fucking gym teachers around who would gladly take your spot. And by the looks of it, I’m sure everyone would fucking benefit from that.” Rick didn’t mean a goddamn word of it. But he couldn’t let Negan run him over.

“Damn,  _ Rick _ . You have some fucking nerve. Why don’t your friends handle their problems with me, huh? You can stay the fuck out of it and we can continue on our goddamn fucking merry way. I must have struck a big fucking chord with you to be garnering this kinda fucking reaction. Is there a full fucking moon I don’t know about? Or are you just secretly batshit insane?” Negan headed back to the gym doors.  

“Fuck you.” Rick growled. 

“Right back at ya, Grimes.” He opened the door. “Here, I’ll hold the door for you since your weak ass can’t lift shit.” 

Rick shot Negan a glare. He walked into the gym and made a beeline for his classroom. The adrenaline was causing him to tremble. What the fuck just happened? He did not expect the conversation to go that way. It just spiraled out. And Rick lost footing. And before he knew it, he didn’t even know the person standing in front of him. Well, did he before? It was almost the end of October, he had only known Negan for about two months. Rick couldn’t remember the good conversations with Negan. He tried. All he could see in his head was the volatile figure that looked like he could rip Rick’s head off in one go. There was something about fights that did that. It threw Rick off center. And he wondered how the hell to get back to where they were not even 24 hours ago. Hell,  _ was Rick wrong _ ? Did he just do something unnecessary and irreversible? Or was that dramatic? 

Over the next few days Rick avoided Negan like the fucking plague. He didn’t want to see him. A part of him was too pissed off to have another conversation with him. And another part was nervous. Could Rick really win in a fight like that? Negan definitely had the ability to tear a person down to all they’re worth, and if Negan had any say in it, you’d feel pretty cheap. 

_ ‘This is why you haven’t let anyone in in five years, dumbass.’  _ Rick thought.  _ ‘What did you think? You’d have a fucking diary to spill your thoughts into to? Someone who understood? Well...maybe you do, but he’s a fucking nightmare. And you know it. Don’t get attached. Don’t get close. What happened to that? You got desperate. Fucker.’ _

* * *

Rick laid in bed that night. Mind racing. He was a livewire. Waiting to hook onto something that would shock him dead. His thoughts overwhelming him. Taking him back to the place he often tried to run from. It wasn’t enough that Lori died. Those first two years were the hardest of his life. Trying to hold on while you have to take care of a family. Rick had nearly lost his mind. And then the accident happened. And Rick remembered blood and he remembered glass. And then he remembered nothing. For two months he laid still while his children were taken care of by family. What kind of punishment was that? And what was it given for? Rick still didn’t know. But he’s alive.  _ He’s alive. _

But he didn’t sleep often. And he didn’t dream often. And he sure as fuck could never get close to another person again. Fuck, how he tried. Tried to be normal again. But all he could think about was death. Could he let another person be  _ his  _ person? What if they die? What if they break his fucking heart? What if they don’t get him? What if they’re cruel? Too many variables. Rick tried so hard to build up the facade that he was alright. His friends began to believe it. And that was enough for him. But every night he relived the accident, more than he relived losing Lori and gaining Judith. It haunted him. He couldn’t drive right for a year. And even now he had to force himself to deal with it. But Rick had gone soft. Or maybe he had just turned to stone so much that he couldn’t do anything. The latter was probably more accurate. 

Rick hated that Negan was clouding his mind. But he was. Because Rick had felt  _ something _ . He tried to avoid it, push it away, but it was clawing it’s way through his chest. He hadn’t felt something since Lori. Hadn’t felt those butterflies. But these were  _ not _ butterflies. Rick had already determined that. And he had known since he was a teenager that he was bisexual. And that liking a guy wasn’t out of the realm of possibility. But why did he have to be so stupid as to  _ maybe, possibly, kind of, like Negan a little tiny bit. _ Rick killed those feelings. Or whatever scrap of feelings there were. Rick still didn’t analyze any of it.

* * *

“Hey Rick!” Glenn beamed, standing in the doorway of him and Maggie’s new home. “Glad you could make it.” 

“Of course.” Rick said. “Oh here I brought you guys some wine.” He held up a bottle for Glenn, who took it with excitement. 

“Sweet, thanks Rick. Well, everyone’s just kind of scattered around. We haven’t unpacked completely but you’ll get the idea. Wait till you see the basement.” 

Glenn disappeared somewhere as Rick went to go catch up with his friends. There was only so much time to really talk during school hours. Carol was playing catch up with Daryl, who seemed ten times more alive now that he finally got to see her again. Morgan was talking to Aaron (math) and his boyfriend Paul (who everyone referred to as Jesus, he didn’t work at the school). Sasha was talking to Abraham and Rosita (who was happy to see everyone again). Eugene awkwardly mingled about, annoying Tara (the other art teacher) to no end. Rick found Maggie and Hershel in the living room. 

“How’s it going, Rick?” Hershel asked, breaking away from his conversation with Maggie.

“It’s alright.” Rick replied. He never lied to Hershel. There was no point. 

“Have you talked to Negan since your fight?” Maggie asked. 

“No, I haven’t.” Rick said.

Hershel looked at Rick. “You two fought?”

“It was my fault.” Maggie said. “I got in a fight with Negan, and then Rick went to talk to him and they got in a fight.” 

Hershel laughed softly. “Highschool never ends. You guys are worse than my students.” 

Rick smirked. “I’m sure it will blow over...I think. I don’t know. It was pretty rough. Negan can be intense.” He mumbled.

“I’m sorry, Rick. I know you guys were like...becoming friends.” Maggie said.

“No it’s fine. I would have reacted that way towards anyone. I was tired of his attitude. Someone had to tell him off.” Rick replied. “Maybe I could have done it better but...whatever.” 

Glenn leaned over the couch, resting a hand on Maggie’s shoulder. “I need your help with something.” He said. 

“Okay.” Maggie replied. She got up and followed Glenn towards the kitchen. 

Hershel watched them disappear and then looked at Rick. “Is everything okay, Rick? You’ve been off the past week. Or is Negan just bothering you?” 

Rick breathed deeply and sighed. “It  _ is _ bothering me. I thought I had...someone who understood what I went through. Negan lost his wife. It kind of awakened something in my brain when he told me that. Like, maybe there’d be a chance to heal something I pushed away for so long. But when we fought, it was...it was like all of those hopes were torn to shreds. Which sounds silly. I could just talk to him again. But I think I built up this idea too much. And now I just feel...stupid.”

“Rick...it’s easy to attach yourself to someone. Especially when they’ve gone through similar things and could help you out. You shouldn’t feel stupid.”

“We really handed it to each other. I mean...he’d say stupid shit before and joke around and be an asshole...but we were out for blood. And I’m worried it can’t be fixed.” Rick stared at his hands. Why did this have to mean so fucking much to him? Had he finally cracked? And now there was chances for things to come in?

“Most things can be fixed, Rick. Sometimes things look like they’ve been burnt to the ground, but it’s really only made a new space for something stronger to grow. I don’t think you have to worry. It’s one fight. He’s probably feeling just as bad.” Hershel gave Rick a comforting smile. 

Rick nodded. “You’re probably right. I just haven’t dealt with anything like this in a long time.”

“Feel free to stop by my office anytime. I can see you’re going through your past again, and I’m always here to help you with that.” 

Rick sighed. What did he do to deserve these people?

* * *

By the time Friday evening rolled around, Rick hadn’t spoken to Negan since their fight. He shrugged it off and joined Maggie, Glenn, Michonne, Daryl, and Sasha (one of the high school’s art teachers) at the football game. They were sitting near the top of the home side bleachers. Glenn and Maggie were sharing food from the concession stand. Daryl was talking to Michonne about a book that seemed to always go missing in the library. Sasha was watching the game intently. Abraham was the football coach, standing on the sideline. Rick tried to ignore the smell coming from Maggie and Glenn’s food but his stomach growled louder than the damn announcer. He told the others he’d be back in a minute and headed to the concession stand towards the entrance. 

And then somebody grabbed his arm. Rick reeled back as hard he could, hitting against the wall of the concession stand. A fight or flight response. One that he was surprised he hadn’t done thus far with the man who just grabbed his arm.

“ _ JESUS _ .” Negan said. “Are you alright?” 

Rick was wide eyed, his vision trying to play catch up with his mind. He knew where he was, who Negan was, what had just happened. He knew it wasn’t a problem, wasn’t an attacker, wasn’t anything. But he still had to calm down. That’s just who Rick was these days. Or, that’s who Rick tried to hide from everyone else these days. 

“I-I...I’m  _ fine _ .” Rick stammered. “What the hell do you want?” 

Negan rolled his eyes. “I wanna show you something.” 

“What? No!” Rick started to walk away, when he saw Negan extend his arm out, Rick flinched. 

Negan put his hands in the air immediately. “Shit, right. Sorry. Rick, seriously. I need to talk to you.” 

Rick closed his eyes and sighed. He shoved his hands in his jacket pockets and nodded. He  _ did  _ want to talk to Negan. But on his terms. At his pace. He should have known that wasn’t going to happen. 

“Good. Follow me.” 

Rick followed Negan out of the football field/track area. It was fenced in, so the two walked around the fence and behind the bleachers. The woods faced them. Rick started to slow down when he realized Negan was heading straight for the woods.

“Where are you going??” Rick asked. “It’s almost dark you know.” 

“Live a little.” Negan said. Hadn’t he already told Rick that? Live a little. Die a little. Sleep a little. Wake up. Repeat.

Negan led Rick into the beginning of the woods. Dusk allowed enough light to show the outdoor classroom. A wooden podium covered in leaves and a few sets of backless benches. Negan sat down on one and gestured to Rick to sit across from him. Rick sat down on the bench hesitantly. He felt like he was about to be interrogated for a crime he didn’t commit. Negan would make him believe he did by the end of their conversation. But Rick was just being scared. 

“Look.” Negan had started, “I really wanna fucking apologize. And I’ll apologize to Maggie too. I just...am who I am. I guess. And that’s not a fucking excuse. I’m just sayin’...sometimes I don’t fucking think before I act. And you’ve been really cool to be around, you know? I don’t usually make friends when I go to work. And I don’t wanna lose that this time.” Negan cleared his throat, as if the authenticity spewing out of it caused it to itch. He barely looked at Rick’s eyes.

Rick sat quietly. He looked up at Negan. “Okay.” 

“Okay?” Negan scoffed. 

Rick smirked, but then got solemn. “I’m sorry too, by the way. I can be aggressive.”

“I underestimated you, Grimes.”

“Most people do.” Rick said, staring off into the woods, behind Negan. His mouth hung open slightly, but something always stopped him from ejecting the poison. He inhaled sharply.

“Rick?” 

“Hm?” 

“Tell me about the past five years.” 

Rick stared at Negan, nervous. He shifted in his seat. “Why?”

“So I have an excuse to tell you about my last two.”

“You can talk to me about that anyway.” 

“I want you to go first.” Negan said softly. 

Rick felt the hair on the back of his neck stand up. He felt his eyebrow twitch. Why was Negan getting so fucking personal all of a sudden? But wasn’t this what Rick wanted? Rick felt hot, regardless of the current cool temperature. Dusk was fading.

“I’m fucked up.” Rick said, words catching on silence. Not quite coming out. His eyes faltered over Negan’s shoulder. And he felt like he was finally coming down from the pillar he built so carefully.

“So am I.” Negan said. 

Rick’s eyes flicked back to Negan. And he noted that dark thunder in the other man’s eyes. “After Lori died I think I died too. I wanted to. But I couldn’t. I had a family to care for. And I think that fucked me up even more...because I had to put my own feelings on hold. But I was...I was really fucked up. I saw her. At work down the hall. At the store down the aisle. Fuck...she’d even call me on my phone in my office. She wouldn’t really hear me, but she’d talk to me. And then around the two year mark...as I was getting better...I left Carl and Judith at home. Carl was fourteen but I knew he’d be okay. He was a lot stronger than I was. I went to go pick up pizza. And it was raining. And the next thing I knew...a car hit me. And my windshield broke and pieces cut into me. The car flipped over. And somewhere along the way I...I got knocked out. And I didn’t fucking wake up for two months.” 

Negan looked at Rick intensely. “You were in a fucking coma?” 

“Yeah. And ever since then I've been a...trainwreck masquerading around as someone who is grounded. Has their shit together. Reliable. But I'm not. Not really. I've closed myself off. I don't pursue relationships. I don't go out of my routine. I can't.” Rick sighed. And then he was hit with the immediate regret one gets after opening up. 

But Negan only sat there. And the silence shared was oddly comforting. 

“Wow. That's a hell of a life.” Negan said. “I would have never thought you had that much going on inside you.”

Rick nodded slowly. “Yeah.”

“You know, it's okay to not be put together.”

“Not when you have a family.” Rick sighed.

“It's still okay, Rick.”

Rick nodded. “So...what's your baggage?” He gave a half-hearted smirk.

Negan returned it. “Not as batshit as yours, that's for fucking sure. But I got my fair share of shit. Before Lucille died we were just living our merry fucking lives. We fought sometimes but we had so much fucking love for each other. It was fucking intense. And she tamed me, for a lack of a better word. You've seen me be fucking insane. When she was alive I didn't act out like that. I didn't spill over. She kept me level. Knowing I'd go home from work and see her...fuck...I was never in a bad fucking mood. Then she died. And fuck. I've been in the worst fucking mood. I'm pretty okay now. Grieving wise. It's still hard as shit but...I've had my own spiritual universal bullshit awakening I guess.”

“I almost had that. I think.” Rick replied quietly. 

“I’m sorry I called you weak. Shit, you’re the strongest person I know.”

Rick scratched at his beard. “It’s constant strength and constant weakness, I think. But no, physically I’m pretty weak.” Rick laughed and then shrugged. “I think I’ve been scared to make progress. Almost like if I leave the state I’m in now, I’ll fall again or something like that. But if I stay in this constant place, I can’t pass or fail. And I know I shouldn’t do that. But...there’s fear there.” He shook his head. “I feel like I haven’t been really living though. I want to change that.” 

Negan grinned wildy. “Well, if you have me as a friend, you’ll probably start feeling pretty fucking alive. I got a gift, Grimes. I know how to make people come alive.” 

“I believe you.” Rick smirked. 

“Follow me. I still wanna show you something.” 

“It’s getting pretty dark.” 

Negan rolled his eyes and stood up. “Scared?”

Rick furrowed his brow. Right. Stop having fear. “No.” Rick stood up and followed Negan. He was walking through the woods down a small winding path. The October air was chilling and Rick thought the brush and the trees looked amazing casted in the dark. He looked at the back of Negan’s head and felt the wasps again.  _ Fuck.  _

The two didn’t say a word while Negan led them down the path. Rick had only been to the outdoor classroom. He had no need to walk through the woods and he had no idea where Negan was going. Rick’s thoughts were interrupted by the sound of running water. They had stopped by a large creek. 

“Isn’t this cool?” Negan asked. 

Rick stared at the water. “It’s a creek.” He looked up at Negan, who looked like he was about to growl at Rick. “B-but it’s cool.”

Negan nodded. “I love nature.”

“Really? I wouldn’t have thought that.” Rick said, shoving his hands in his pockets, wishing he had brought gloves. 

“Well I do. Nature doesn’t judge. It accepts.” 

“You know sometimes I wonder how you’re ten years older than me. Then you say shit like that.” Rick mused.

Negan smirked. “I can be wise sometimes, Ricky. But my asshole-ery usually outweighs that. You gotta catch me in the right mood.” 

“I’ll remember that.” 

“Just don’t hold me accountable. I go back to being an immature little shit in seconds.” Negan laughed to himself and went back to looking at the water. “You know, you’re a scary motherfucker when you’re angry. I was pretty freaked out when you were yelling at me.”

“Really?” Rick laughed. “I thought you were going to tear my head off.” 

“Nah. I wouldn’t do that. It’s too pretty.” Negan barked with laughter. 

Rick only smirked. He wished Negan would stop saying shit like that. Because he knew Negan was just the type of person who said that stuff without any meaning behind it. And it only made Rick feel like something was there. When he knew damn well there wasn’t. Did he really want there to be something? He didn’t know what he fucking wanted at this point. It was all so confusing.

“Oh shit, look at that.” Negan said, gesturing Rick towards him. He was pointed at something in the creek. 

Rick stepped over closer to the water, balancing on the ridge that overlooked the creek. He peered into the water but saw nothing. “What?” He asked.

Negan grabbed Rick’s shoulder and pointed towards one part of the creek. “Look at that fish.” 

Rick tried to find whatever Negan was pointing at, but couldn’t. As he leaned forward, his front foot slipped on the ridge. He instinctively grabbed Negan’s jacket. Negan grabbed Rick’s arm and side; Rick had one foot on the ground and the other in the air, tempting to fall into the water. Negan pulled Rick back quickly, and Rick’s bodyweight sent the two of them falling backwards into the grass. Somewhere along the fall, Negan had twisted his body by accident, causing Rick to fall on his back, and Negan crashing onto him. It all happened in seconds. But it felt a lot longer than that. 

The two groaned. Negan started laughing, he propped himself up so that he wasn’t completely smothering Rick. “Damn, Rick. At least take me out to dinner first.” He joked.

Rick only stared up at Negan nervously. He was glad it was dark because he could feel the heat in his face. And he was sure it would be visible in the light. He felt himself tense up underneath Negan. Negan rolled off, sat up, and leaned against the nearest tree. He pulled out cigarettes and a lighter and began to light one. 

“You smoke?” Negan asked Rick.

“No.” Rick said, he sat up. “I could never get into it. I figured one less bad habit is better anyway.” 

“Fuck. Ain’t that the truth. I stopped during my entire time with Lucille. I had no reason not to without her. So. Whatever.” 

“You know, it’s refreshing...the way you talk about her.” 

“She was great.” Negan flicked ashes off the cigarette. “She was like...fucking  _ dynamite _ , I swear to God.” 

Rick looked at Negan, studying his frame, the cigarette, the way his eyes blended with the night. “You’re like dynamite too.” He said. The words coming out before he could think them. Before he could stop himself. 

But Negan only laughed. “Fuck, yeah I know.” 

So maybe it wasn’t obvious to Negan. Maybe it wasn’t clear. But Rick knew now. The wasps buzzing around inside him weren’t wasps at all. They were butterflies. And Rick was royally fucked. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys liked the chapter! I feel like these first four chapters were getting the preliminary stuff out of the way and now things are going to snowball a little more. I also hope you guys are liking the dynamic of only knowing Rick's feelings. I find it's easy to write Negan being interested in Rick (because he's just that kinda person lmao) so it's kind of different but fun to explore Rick's crush and growing feelings. Anyway, things will pick up, and I'm excited to see where it goes from here. :)


	5. Orange Sunshine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHHHH wow sorry for the radio silence for 2 weeks. This chapter ended up being even more build up but I think it became a turning point that is going to make the future chapters easier to write. I usually have stories planned, at least an ending, but this one I don't at the moment. But I have a lot planned before that haha so I hope you guys enjoy this chapter and the slow burn is going to get a little less slow soon, I promise haha.

“We should get back, huh? The game’s gonna end soon.” Negan said, blowing smoke away from Rick. It blended into the cold air and disappeared among the foliage. 

Rick cleared his throat and stood up, wobbling along the way.

“Did I hurt you?” Negan asked, flicking the cigarette on the ground and crushing it beneath his shoe. 

“N-no.” Rick was staring at the ground, his cheeks still felt hot. “Just a little off balance.” 

“Hm. Good.” Negan tugged at his scarf and put his hands in his jacket pockets. He leaned back. “Alrighty then. Let’s go. You can lead the way.” 

Rick turned and began to walk down the path Negan had led them on. Feeling Negan’s presence looming behind him made Rick forget how to walk. Was this how he was going to feel now? Fuck. They passed the outdoor classroom and were soon out of the woods, standing in viewing distance of the football field. The towering bleachers concealed them as they made their way back to the entrance. 

“Oh Rick. Are you one of the teachers planning the Senior Trip?” 

Rick looked behind him. “Yeah. We start planning it in a week, after Halloween.” 

“I’ve been put on the committee. Does that mean I have to go on it?” Negan asked. 

“Yeah.”

“Well, at least you’ll be there.” Negan muttered. Rick felt the fluttering again. He wasn’t like this with Lori. Yeah he had butterflies and was head over heels...but he certainly wasn’t intimidated by her. Negan on the other hand was a different story. “So Halloween, do the kids dress up at this school or no? I’ve taught at places where it’s all or nothing kinda thing.” Negan said. 

“They do.” Rick replied. “Some of the teachers do too. I don’t really...” He shrugged and watched his step as the two made their way towards the field. 

“Are you fucking kidding me? I better see your ass in a costume, Rick.” Negan laughed. “...Only joking.”

“Hm.” 

“Alright well, I’ll see you around. I’m gonna go head to my car...avoid the crowd and all that you know?” Negan said. “We should grab a beer sometime.” 

Rick’s stomach started doing flips. And now that he accepted and knew that these were in fact butterflies, it made him even more nervous. “S-sure. Yeah. That’s fine.” 

Negan laughed. “Okay…see ya Rick.” 

“Yeah, bye.” Rick watched Negan walk away. He walked quickly towards the bleachers where his friends sat. People were beginning to disperse as he made his way through the crowd. His head was spinning with all of the usual feelings of a “crush.” It sounded juvenile, but that’s all Rick could think to call it. He was surrounded by high school students everyday after all. 

“Rick!” Glenn called and waved him over. “Where the hell have you been? I thought you were just getting a snack.” 

“Sorry, I was actually talking to Negan.” Rick replied. But Glenn made him realize how hungry he was. Damn it. 

Maggie stepped over a few of the bleacher seats and stood next to Rick. “So you guys worked it out?” She asked, looking at Rick with intensity. 

“Yeah, we did.” Rick breathed a sigh of relief. It was nice knowing the two of them had figured their shit out. It had been an awkward few days to say the least. Rick was sure the following days to come would be awkward for much different reasons though. 

“That’s good.” Maggie nodded, breathing a sigh of relief herself. “Hey what happened to your clothes?” 

Rick glanced down and saw the dirt covering his jackets and jeans. “Oh...I fell.” Rick said.

“Okay…” Maggie still looked at Rick quizzically but dropped it. She could always pick up when Rick didn’t want to explain himself.  “Well, you missed the game, we won!” 

“Abraham should be pretty happy.” Rick laughed, looking towards the field. “Is that Sasha down there?” 

Maggie looked at Glenn for a moment and back at Rick. “Yeah she went to go say congrats to Abraham I think. I don’t really know though, anyway! Glenn come take me home.” Maggie grabbed Glenn’s hand and the two headed down the bleachers. “See ya Rick!” She waved and disappeared into the crowd. A quick dismissal but Rick was ready to get home and actually eat something.  

Rick drove home that night buzzing with energy. A floating feeling he hadn’t felt in a long fucking time. But the crushing thing was there was most likely no chance in hell Negan would ever like him back. Still, the feeling was enough to make Rick break from his routine. One he kept up for the past five or so years. At least it made school interesting again. And hey, Negan _ kind of _ flirted. Even if it’s not the man’s intentions...it still came off that way.

* * *

Rick didn’t know why he expected Negan to call him after school. It had been a few days and the two hadn’t talked about getting that beer yet. Was Rick supposed to bring it up again? Or was that just Negan being nice? Either way, Rick sat at his desk staring at nothing while the kids in homeroom talked amongst themselves. He was waist deep in thought. It was the day before Halloween; a Friday. Students were dressed as various things ranging from Stars Wars to the usual ghosts and vampires. Rick had yet to see Negan, but he put on some old cat ears to amuse him. It was all he had lying around in the attic. Unless he wanted to go all out with the whole costume thing...but he didn’t. 

As Rick made his way through the halls during second period he watched the kids running around and getting excited amongst their friends. Carl was somewhere dressed as Marty Mcfly from Back to the Future. Rick peered into Negan’s classroom and didn’t see him.  He looked back down the hall and went towards the locker rooms. There was a joint office in there for Negan and Abraham. And that’s exactly where Negan was. 

“What the hell?” Rick laughed, looking at Negan’s attire. “Mad Max?” 

Negan grinned wildly and barked with laughter. “Fuck yeah! I got the leather jacket already, right? Maybe not the attitude of Max. You’re kinda more like him. Quiet and helpful and shit.” Negan mused. “But it makes for a cool costume.” Negan was mildly decked out in Mad Max attire. His right sleeve was still in tact and he didn’t wield a sawed off shotgun, but he was recognizable enough. Negan looked Rick up and down and smirked. “What do you call this, Rick?” Negan flicked his finger through one of Rick’s cat ears.

“E for Effort?” Rick mumbled. “I didn’t know what to do.” 

Negan crossed his arms. “That’s super fucking disappointing Ricky. Are we gonna have to go back to the bench press?” Negan smiled crookedly. 

Rick looked away from Negan and laughed nervously. “Fuck no. You hurt my shoulder when you crushed me.” 

“Oh shit for real? You said I didn’t. You want a shoulder rub or something? Apparently I’m killer at it.” Negan purred. 

“Uhh….N-no. I’m okay. Uh, so the first Senior Trip meeting is on Monday. Don’t forget.” Rick said, changing the subject. “You wanna head to the teacher’s lounge?” 

Negan grabbed his usual lunch box and gestured for Rick to lead the way. “I’m getting so fucking sick of the shit I bring to eat. But I can’t fucking waste my time buying the shit food here. Don’t you get sick of peanut butter and fucking jelly?”

Rick laughed and walked ahead of Negan down the hall. “No. I like it.” 

Rick and Negan sat down at one of the tables in the teacher’s lounge. Rick pulled out his usual sandwich and potato chips. Negan had something in a thermos. 

“Oh fuck...by the way Rick. You owe me chili and mac n’ cheese.  _ Together. _ We kinda fought and you never gave it me.” Negan smirked.

“Oh my God you’re right. I’ll make it again soon.” Rick laughed. “See what happens when you be an asshole. You miss out.” 

“Hm...makes me never wanna be an asshole again.” Negan gave Rick a sly smile. Rick had to look away every time Negan looked at him like that. He didn’t want to read into anything. This was just Negan’s behavior. Right…

“So when do you want to get that beer?” Rick asked, or more-so blurted out. 

“Shit, what are you doing tonight?” Negan grinned. 

“Nothing.” 

“Perfect.” Negan crumpled a napkin in his hand and stood up. He tossed it in the trash can and walked back to the table. But instead of sitting down, he stood behind Rick. Rick felt ice enter his bloodstream when Negan put his hands on his shoulders. “Just relax, Rick. You’ll feel a hell of a lot better after this.”

Rick rolled his eyes. But not directed at Negan. It was this fucking situation. Negan was making it hard not to melt into his words, personality, and hell, his body. Negan began massaging Rick’s shoulders and neck. 

“Shit…” Rick groaned, feeling the release of his muscles. 

“Next time don’t try and go headfirst into a fucking creek. But I am CPR certified. You can drown in any amount of water you know.” 

“I don’t think you’d have to worry about me drowning in a creek.” Rick sighed deeply. “I’m not that bad a swimmer.”

Negan laughed lowly. “So how’s your shoulder feeling?” He asked, pressing his thumb into Rick’s shoulder. 

“Better...thanks.” Rick said. He felt like the oxygen was leaving his body. But he did feel better.  

“Any fucking time.” Negan patted Rick on the back and sat down in his seat. “So the marking periods almost over. I have your kid for health. I’ll try not to scar him for you.” Negan laughed.

“He already knows a lot.” Rick said. “But trust me, the kids might not  _ want  _ to ask questions but they  _ want  _ to know. But yeah...maybe don’t be so…”

“Explicit?” 

“Yeah…”

Negan laughed again. “I’ve taught health before and have tried different methods...but sometimes you just gotta give it to them straight. But there’s always a couple little shits in the class that try to be funny about it. Which I get but...I don’t need them procreating in the halls.” 

“You telling me you weren’t like that in high school?” Rick questioned with a smirk.

“Actually I wasn’t. I was an asshole for sure, but I didn’t get jack shit in terms of girls.” 

Rick laughed. “That’s surprising.” 

Negan raised his eyebrows and leaned against his hand, elbow on the table. “Why’s that? Because I’m so damn irresistible?” 

Rick rolled his eyes. But he wanted to run. Talking to Negan was like walking into an intriguing forest and immediately running into a bear trap. “No. Because you’re really forward. And I can only imagine the trouble you got into.” 

Negan smirked. “I did get into a lot of trouble. Wish it involved more sex but...unfortunately it didn’t. What about you Ricky? You get into a lot of trouble?” 

“I tried not to. But in my senior year I got into quite a bit.” Rick watched Negan raise his eyebrows in interest. “It actually involved my gym teacher.”

“Oh shit.” Negan laughed.

Rick smirked. “He hated me for no reason. Or I couldn’t figure out the reason. I don’t know. I was one of those kids that actually tried and gave things my all. But this teacher was just an asshole. And not like you...not a charismatic asshole. This guy was the miserable kind. He singled me out all the time. The hostility just built up and up...the other kids were sick of him too. We were all over it. It was like boot camp or something. So one day we were playing baseball. And I was pitcher because he always put me in the position that did the most work. And I had the ball in my hand...my thumb over the stitching...and I just thought how great it would feel to throw it as hard as I could at my teacher’s face.” Rick started laughing. He shook his head. “And I did. And it was obvious you know? It couldn’t have looked like an accident even if I tried.”

“Holy shit...what the fuck happened after?”

“I broke his nose.”

“ _ WHAT?? Holy shit! _ ” Negan leaned back in his chair. His eyes filled with admiration. 

“Yeah...and I got suspended. I couldn’t walk graduation either. My parents were not happy...but everyone else was. I don’t regret it at all.” 

“Carl doesn’t know that story does he…?” Negan asked, half joking.

“He does. You better watch out.” 

Negan laughed. “Shit. Damn Rick...that’s fucking cool as hell.” 

Rick shrugged. 

“So do you want to meet the bar or would you want me to drive?” Negan asked. 

Rick scratched at his beard. “No that’s fine I’ll just meet you there.” 

“Okay.” Negan replied. “You gonna wear your cat ears?” 

Rick squinted at Negan. “No.”

“Well...that’s a damn shame.”

* * *

Rick had finished making dinner for Carl and Judith. He decided not to tell Carl who he was going to hang out with. Even though Negan had definitely cooled down with how he ran his class...Rick still knew Carl didn’t like the guy. He said his goodbyes and headed out the door. Keys tightly in his hand. On the road he gripped his steering wheel tightly. The bar was next to the movie theater, down the main street through town. It was surrounded by different shops, an arcade, and other restaurants. Rick found parking behind the coffee shop. He sat in his car for a few minutes before finally turning it off, radio going silent.

It was relatively busy out. Rick had to remind himself it was a Friday night. He hadn’t been out a lot in recent years and he wasn’t used to it. But it felt nice being out. Even if it was cold. Rick passed the movie theater and opened the door to the bar. He saw Negan sitting at the counter, his leather jacket draped over an empty seat next to him. Rick walked up to him. Nerves starting to form.

“Hey.” 

Negan turned to face Rick. A wild grin on his face. “There you are!” Negan picked up his jacket from the chair. Rick sat down. Negan ordered two beers for them. “So where we even going for this Senior Trip?” 

“We’re going to a ski resort a little up north. We’ve done it before and it’s the safest place to go since we’re all in one building and you really can’t get lost. But we still have to organize it which is always a pain. Making sure everyone has a room...their waivers...blah blah blah.” Rick took a swig of his beer. “All I know is Carl is really excited. And we’re going during Thanksgiving Break right after Thanksgiving. For three nights.” 

“Why not a Spring trip or something? Why the fuck are we going in the snow? Also ain’t this kinda soon? Shouldn’t this have been planned already?” 

“It doesn’t take too much time planning. And we’re going in at the end of November because then the kids do their Senior Week after school ends in the summers. Which I’m not looking forward to since that’s not planned by the school. I’m going to have to deal with Carl and his friends and pray they don’t get into trouble.” Rick said. “Anyway I like skiing so I’m pretty content going.” 

Negan tapped his fingers on his beer. “I’ve never done anything like that in my goddamn life. Can’t you die from that shit? Like crashing into a fucking tree?” 

“There’s easy slopes. But yeah...you have to be careful. I’ll show you the basics.” 

Negan smirked. “Really? You gonna be my teacher, Mr. Grimes?” 

Rick felt his face start to burn from the way Negan spoke. “Only if you want to learn.” Rick said plainly. 

“Of course. I’ll sit front row and center.”

Rick broke from Negan’s gaze and drank more of his beer. He glanced around the bar. “Crowded.”

“Yep…I keep forgetting everyone goes out on Friday nights. I haven’t really been out since Lucille. Except on random nights when living is just pathetic.”

“Yeah I haven’t been out much either.” Rick said. “It’s kind of weird honestly. People go about living their lives while you’re just...nothing.” 

“Well...I finally feel like I’m fucking breaking some kind of dull routine.” Negan said.

Rick looked at him. It was as if Negan had access to Rick’s mind. Pulling out all the information Rick stored in there, only to project it back to him in solidarity. Rick thought it all had to be a joke. Or something the universe would take away from him soon enough. But Negan was there. A man who knew Rick’s pain but wasn’t like Rick at all. And he wanted that. He wanted Negan’s energy. His drive. His attitude. And he also wanted to kiss him. But that would have to wait. Forever, probably. 

“Me too.” Rick finally said. The two sat in silence. The bar was loud. Rick was zoning out, verging on too many thoughts to have while sitting in a bar.

Negan looked over at Rick. “Look I was-”

Negan was interrupted when two women approached them. One of them had short hair, almost buzzed but not quite. She looked at Negan. “Hey there. I'm Alpha and this my friend Jadis.” She gestured to the other woman. Rick noticed her hair: short bangs and a brown to blonde ombré. He didn’t think it looked very good. 

“I'm sorry what the fuck did you say your names were?” Negan asked bluntly. Rick let a laugh slip. 

Jadis smirked, as if hearing that before. “They're nicknames.”

“We were wondering what your names were.” Alpha said sharply, lips forming a smile. 

“Negan and Rick.” Negan said before downing his beer. He leaned his arm on the counter and began tapping.

“Negan? And you were questioning our names?” Jadis laughed. Rick laughed too and gave Negan a playful smile when he shot Rick an angry look. Jadis looked at Rick. “So handsome, what do you do for a living?”

Rick winced and finished the last of his beer before answering. “I'm a highschool teacher….history.”

Alpha crossed her arms. “And what about you, Negan?”

“Gym teacher.” He muttered.

“So you guys are both teachers huh?” Alpha said, eyeing Negan up. 

Negan furrowed his brow. “Yeah, what the hell do you guys do?”

“We have a band.” Jadis said.

“I should have known.” Negan mumbled. “Alright well it was-”

“So you guys single or what?” Jadis asked. “I don't see any rings.”

Rick saw Negan becoming more and more irritated. “That's because both our wives are dead.” Rick said.

Negan started laughing loudly at Alpha and Jadis’ clear discomfort and from Rick’s simple honesty. “Alright you two I get it…me and ole Rick are by far the hottest people in this place but we aren't interested alright?”

Rick was surprised at Negan’s change in tone. And did Negan just call him hot? Alpha looked disappointed. “Shit...fine. You know you guys are the only people in here who don’t look fucking sleazy as hell. Well...maybe you do a little.” Alpha said gesturing to Negan.

“Have a good night guys.” Jadis said, she tugged on Alpha’s sleeve and the two retreated towards the back of the bar.

Rick laughed softly. “Jesus Christ.”

“Wow we just got fucking  _ hit on _ . Holy shit. That's a confidence booster right there. Then again they were both weird as shit so maybe not…that Jadis chick was eyeing you up Rick...she looked like she was going to fucking eat you right in front of me.”

Rick scratched at his beard. “Eh…”

“What? Rocker chicks aren’t your type?” 

“Who says they played rock music?” 

“Oh please Rick. Did you see their style? Punk or rock or both.” Negan said.

“Then no. Not my type.” Rick said. “I like folk or country.”

“You fucking would.” 

“What does that mean?” Rick asked. 

“Nothing. You just look like you like that kinda music. I on the other hand know I look like I listen to fucking rock n’ roll.” Negan grinned stupidly. “Also you got that southern accent so of course you like country.” He said, donning Rick’s accent.

Rick rolled his eyes. “You’re putting me in a box then.” 

“You put yourself in there, Ricky.” 

“You’re annoying.” Rick said. “So, what were you saying before Alpha and Jadis interrupted you?”

“Oh...it was nothing.” 

* * *

Rick laid in bed that night feeling like he was on fire. Was it crazy to think something was happening? Was it completely out of the realm of possibility? But Negan told Alpha and Jadis to leave. That they weren’t interested. How did he know Rick wasn’t? What if he was? And what was Negan going to say before they arrived? Maybe it wasn’t impossible. But how could Rick know? He sure as fuck wasn’t going to make it clear to Negan what he felt. What did he feel…? Why Negan? Why now? It didn’t make any sense to Rick. But there was ache in him. A longing. And maybe the only love Rick really needed now was one completely different from Lori. He would want it to be different anyway. And Negan was....the definition of different. There was a million “buts” running their way into his brain. But the kids. But the walls he built. But the way everyone else thought about Negan. But work. 

_...But his eyes. And his grin. And his body when he worked out. And the way he laughed when he teased and the way he muttered when somebody annoyed the shit out of him.  _

Fuck.

* * *

At the meeting for the Senior Trip, Rick was joined by Negan in the conference room. Teachers started filing in. Deanna was standing at the podium, ready to start planning. 

“Okay everyone...Maggie is handing out some info sheets. We’ve done this before so it shouldn’t be too hard planning this year. The only things we really need to go over are everyone’s assigned partners and locations during the duration of the trip. And a few other things but we will get to it. Me and Maggie already started working on who is going to be with who.” Deanna explained. 

Rick felt himself silently praying he would be partnered with Negan. Which felt so fucking childish. When did he turn into this? 

“The pairings are as follows: Maggie and Sasha, Glenn and Aaron, Michonne and Andrea,-” Deanna continued down the list of teachers attending the trip. She got to the end of the list. “And Rick you can be with Negan.” 

“Fuck yeah!” Negan exclaimed. “I mean-shit uh, heck yeah!” 

Rick laughed nervously. Negan was making it too easy to like him. Deanna got into specifics of their itinerary and the rest of the teachers went back and forth on meal plans, room accommodations, rental equipment for the slopes, and where the kids should meet every night for roll call. Rick made sure to pay attention so that he could tell Carl everything they were going to do. Rick was excited for the trip but also anxious. It was hard getting out and doing things that could be risky. But he was trying not to set himself back. And he was also trying to live. There was something somewhat comforting knowing Negan would be there with him. Fuck. He was getting in too deep. 

Rick and Negan stood outside the conference room as everyone began to leave.

“That’s gonna be pretty fucking fun, huh?” Negan asked.

“It should be. Hopefully the kids don’t get into trouble…but they usually don’t since it jeopardizes everyone’s time.” Rick said. “I’m excited for the hot tubs to be honest.” He laughed. “But I’m sure the kids are gonna hog them.”

Negan rolled his eyes. “We got old bones, we’ll just tell em to fuck off.” Rick shot Negan a look. “Okay okay...we’ll tell em to respect their damn elders and get out.”

Rick rolled his shoulders. “I think they offer massages too.”

“What? Mine wasn’t Rick Grimes Approved?” Negan scowled.

Rick smiled. “Nope.” 

“Don’t test me, Grimes.” Negan growled. “I can still give you the best fucking massage you’ve ever had. Can’t really do what I gotta do in a fucking teacher’s lounge.” He smiled slyly. 

Rick turned away and then looked at his watch. “Okay well, I gotta get going, I’m sure Carl and Sophia are waiting for me.” He said quickly. 

“Hm. Okay.” Negan replied. 

“What?”

Negan shrugged. “Nothing.”

“What??” Rick crossed his arms.

“You always rush away.” Negan said, smirking. “You gotta stop running Rick.”

Rick stared at Negan. He didn’t know what the fuck to say to that. He felt frozen. 

“But anyway...maybe I’ll call you later.” Negan said softly. “Bye Rick.” 

Rick managed to say some kind of goodbye, or at least he hoped he did. He didn’t know what happened between Negan saying bye and getting into the car. But here he was, driving Carl and Sophia home, still feeling like ice was making it’s way through his body.

* * *

The night hours were passing by. Dinner was made and had. TV was watched. Judith was tucked in and read to. Carl had retreated into his room probably reading comics. He was into one about zombies. Rick didn’t get the appeal. He sat in his office. Staring at the phone. But it was getting late. And maybe Negan wasn’t going to call. Why did he say he might? Why was this so fucking confusing? What would make it simple? 

Rick dozed off into a dream. It was summer again and the windows were open. Rick heard a car approach the house. The crunching of gravel underneath tires. He was happy. Beaming. It felt like his heart was at peace. There was an orange hue about the atmosphere. Sun filtered in through the home. The dust that lingered through the rays was comforting. A home was being lived in. And then Rick ran out the front door. He landed in the arms of Negan, who had gotten out of his car. He swung Rick around. Rick’s feet dangled above the grass. The smell of fresh cut grass hung in the air. “Miss me, darling?” Negan asked. Before Rick could respond he was abruptly woken up by a noise. 

The phone was ringing. 


	6. Hurricane

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait guys, life has been getting in the way. Hoping to update sooner next time. But I hope you guys like the chapter <3

Rick stared at the phone on his desk. A ringing mad man. Rick felt nervous and excited. But mostly sick. It was late. Late enough for Rick to have taken a nap. And have a dream. That dream…

Rick lightly picked up the phone, as if it was ice and he was trying not to sting his skin. “Hello?” He asked, voice rasp.

“Hey Rick. It’s me Negan.”

“H-hey.” Rick cleared his throat. “So what’s up?”

“Nothing really. I get pretty damn bored over here.” Negan said, his voice slightly hoarse like he was trying not to be loud. “I guess I’ve been pretty damn bored for a while.”

Rick wasn’t sure how to respond. It was one of those situations that doesn’t have a clear reply. Negan was like that. Rick inhaled sharply. “I wish I had time to be bored.” He finally said.

“No you don’t.” Negan said. Rick thought he could hear the smile in Negan’s voice. “So Rick. I gotta ask. I know we kinda touched upon it before...but you really don’t mind being alone? I mean, hell, I’m two years into this shit and even I’m getting fucking lonely. I guess that’s really not that long of a time. Feels that way and it doesn’t you know? But your what...five years in? You ever want another relationship?”

Rick then heard the light noise of static that hummed along the phone. He didn’t hear himself breathe. Negan really loved coming out of left field a lot. Rick felt weightless. He didn’t know what he wanted. Well...he kind of did.

Rick sighed. “The first few years were busy for me. So I didn’t really think about it all that much. And then after my car accident I didn’t really think about it either. Only sometimes. But I’m not sure if I would even notice if the right person came along.”

Which was true. Maybe the right person _had_ come along. But then they passed and Negan showed up. And he liked Negan. And fuck. Rick wasn’t sure if Negan was even in the realm of being the right person. But here he was, talking on the fucking phone with him.

“Hm.” Negan replied. “I know what you mean. It’s hard enough finding one person. You don’t really seem like the kind of guy to have an extensive dating history, huh?”

Rick tensed up. “Not really. I met Lori when I was 21. And before that uh, just a few.”

“Shit. After highschool I went fucking wild.” Negan laughed. “I guess that’s because I fucking sucked at even talking to people when I was a teenager. But I got pretty damn good at it. Didn’t meet my wife until I was around your age so...I had a lot of fucking flings.”

“Did you want kids?” Rick asked.

And then there was silence.

“S-sorry…” Rick said. “I-”

“Fuck. Sorry.” Negan sighed. “I can’t.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine...uh so, are you pretty cookie cutter?” Negan asked, changing the subject.

Rick traced his finger along the coaster that was sitting on the edge of his desk. He had no idea why Negan was asking him all of this stuff. He didn’t know if he wanted to answer either. “Uh, I mean I guess. I don’t have a picket fence or anything if that’s what you mean.”

“Haha...not exactly what I meant.”

Rick didn’t say anything. He heard Negan clear his throat. “So this ski trip, what kinda shit do I need to pack?”

“Just make sure you have a good coat and maybe some snow pants if you get cold easily. You know...typically snow stuff.”

“Right…”

“Yeah.”

“So...I was fucking wondering if you wanted to get another beer. Or hang out or whatever the fuck.” Negan said.

Rick leaned back in his chair and stared at his ceiling. “Yeah. When?”

“How about tomorrow night?”

“Can’t do tomorrow. What about Friday again?” Rick asked.

“Hey I’m free all the fucking time. So yeah, Friday fucking works.”

“Okay.”

Rick stared at the clock on his desk. It was reaching 11PM. He finally noticed how tightly he was holding onto the phone. He loosened his grip and tried to relax. Sparks seemed to be spilling out of the phone but Rick didn’t know if it was real or not. But Negan was calling him late. Negan was inviting him out again. Negan talked to him a certain way. It bothered Rick how insecure he felt about the whole thing. Of course there was a chance something could be happening. There was always a chance. But it was too fucking hard to tell. And Rick wasn’t a forward person. Negan would have to make a move.

“Alright Rick, I guess I’ll let you go, huh?”

“Uh, yeah probably.” Rick said.

“Goodnight.” Negan replied.

“Yeah...goodnight.”

Rick hung up the phone and rubbed his eyes. He was tired as shit. And the little power nap didn’t do anything for him but fill his brain with romantic ideas he hadn’t thought about in a long fucking time. Friday couldn’t come fast enough.

But then it did.

* * *

Rick got to the bar first. His hand was one the door when a hand was on his shoulder. He turned around and faced Negan. The burning red of his scarf clashed with the leather he always donned.

“Hey.” Rick said.

Negan flicked his head to the side. “Forget the bar. I got a better idea.”

Rick looked at Negan oddly but soon was following the man down Main Street. They passed the movie theater and made their way through the crowds of people that littered the sidewalks during Friday nights. Rick wished it was summer. It would feel a lot nicer walking through town if it were. Negan opened a door. Rick looked up at the building.

“Are you shitting me?” Rick asked.

“Are you shitting _me_?” Negan countered, lending Rick a sly smile.

Rick let a gravelly laugh. “Roller skating…”

“Yeah.”

“Seriously?” Rick raised his eyebrows. A young couple awkwardly walked between Rick and Negan, as Negan was still holding the door wide open.

“Better get on in there before everyone thinks I’m the fucking doorman.” Negan smirked.

Rick rolled his eyes but headed inside. “You’re paying for this shit.” He mumbled.

“Sure thing, Ricky.”

Rick and Negan got skates and sat on a bench outside of the ring. Popular hits played on the speakers and the ceilings were covered in rotating lights and disco balls. The building was filled with tones of blue, purple, and pink. Rick looked down at his skates. What the fuck was he getting himself into? Negan got up first and rolled out onto the rink. He looked behind him.

“Hurry the _fuck_ up, Rick!”

Rick rolled his eyes. At this point in the night, it was mostly adults on the rink, which worked out with Negan’s fucking language. Rick glanced over to the concession stand where he knew they’d be serving beer. At least that was waiting for him after falling on his ass on the rink. Rick skated out slowly. He heard Negan laugh.

“Rick...please…” Negan started. “Don’t suck at this.”

Rick glared at him. “I haven’t done this in years, okay?” Rick said, skating over to Negan.

“That’s gotta be a fucking lie. You have a five year old.”

“Okay, true.” Rick mumbled. “But it’s few and far in between alright.” The two began skating down the rink. “What makes you so good at this?” Rick asked, annoyed.

“Lucille loved roller skating. She used to do roller derby.” Negan said.

“Shit, really?” Rick asked, surprised.

“She was a certified badass Rick.” Negan smiled gently. “Her nickname was ‘Grand Slam,’ and she would hit you fucking hard.”

“That’s really cool.” Rick replied.

“It’s amazing what people do with their lives, you know? And we don’t even fucking know it. I’d like to do some cool shit with the rest of my life.”

“Yeah…” Rick watched the ground. “I’d like to do some cool shit too.”

The two continued skating. Rick was getting the hang of it and they were actually having fun. The beer still called Rick’s name, but it could wait. Rick was taken by surprise when he felt Negan’s hand grab his shirt. The two were sent to the ground soon after. Rick’s elbows skidded along the floor. He looked up at Negan.

“What the hell??” He exclaimed. People were skating by them.

Negan rubbed his head. “I was fucking falling.”  

“So you take me with you??” Rick furrowed his brow.

Negan smirked playfully. “Take it as payback, Rick. You send me to the ground, I send you to the ground.”

Rick looked away and started to get up. “Yeah, whatever.” He held out his hand for Negan. Negan planted both skates flat and grabbed Rick’s hand. As he was getting up, he accidentally pulled Rick too hard, sending Rick into his body. Rick regained his balance. “Do not make me fall again.” He growled 

“Maybe humans aren’t meant to roll around on shoes with wheels.” Negan laughed. 

Rick smirked. “The things we do for fun.” He mumbled.

After they had had enough of skating, Rick and Negan made their way to the concession stand and ordered two beers and fries. They found a table and sat down. Music blasted.

“I am so fucking ready for Thanksgiving Break.” Negan said, taking a swig of his beer.

Rick grabbed a fry. “Same...so everything good with your side of the school? You getting along with Abraham?”

“Getting along is one way to put it. We’re fine. We just don’t really mesh well. Oh...I probably shouldn’t fucking...gossip or whatever. But Abraham’s been seeing his girlfriend in our office.” Negan said. 

Rick leaned on the table. “Really?? She works half an hour away, I’m surprised she visits him.”

Negan furrowed his brow. “What?”  

“...What?” Rick asked.

“She works at the school. Right? Isn’t she like, the art teacher or something?” 

“You’re talking about Abraham right?” Rick asked. 

“Yeah.”  

“Abraham’s girlfriend works as a personal trainer. Her name’s Rosita. The art teacher is Sasha….” Rick looked down putting some puzzle pieces together that he had put in the back of his mind. “Oh fuck.”  

“Shit. Did I just expose a fucking affair??” Negan asked.

“I knew Abraham and Rosita were kind of on the rocks...I hate knowing people’s shit. It finds me. And then I track it all over the fucking place.” Rick sighed. “I’m gonna pretend you didn’t say anything.”

“Do you think Rosita knows? Shouldn’t she?”

Rick looked at Negan. “I mean...yeah. But maybe she already does. I don’t know. I don’t really see her that often…” Rick inhaled sharply. “To be perfectly honest I’m just exhausted being a part of everyone’s lives. Like, the mediator and whatever.” 

“Yeah they really love coming to you don’t they?” Negan joked.

Rick nodded. “They do. It’s so tiring. I mean...I like helping. I do. But there’s always something going on. I kinda wish I could just deal with me for a while.”

“Become an asshole. Then no one will bother you.  In fact, they’ll avoid you like the fucking bubonic plague.”

“Hm...no thanks.” 

“Yeah...it’s pretty fucking lonely.” Negan said, laughing.

Rick and Negan stared at each other. Negan was the first to break eye contact. He finished off his beer and looked back at Rick. Light danced on his face. Negan smirked.

“What?” Rick asked.

“Nothing...”  

The two called it a night and went their separate ways. Rick shoved his hands in his jacket pockets. It just felt different hanging out with Negan. It couldn’t just be in Rick’s head. This was practically date number two if you looked at from a certain angle. Or dead on. Rick could feel the energy boiling inside of him. He knew eventually it would spill out and he would probably make a fool of himself to Negan. But fuck. It was getting hard to meet to his eyes.  

* * *

The days were going by quickly. Rick felt as though him and Negan were doing some sort of dance around each other. Not trying to step on toes that would lead to physical contact. Rick felt like it had to be noticeable. He wondered if he had some sort of all knowing power, would he see their energies colliding above them? But that sounded odd. And Rick was trying to just be normal. It was the Friday before Thanksgiving Break. And only about a week until the trip. Rick was walking through the halls, looking to check a book out of the library for the break.

“Hey Rick.” Daryl said, sitting at his desk as usual. Rick walked over to the counter and rested his arms along it.

“What’s up?” Rick asked.

“Nothing much. You guys still coming to Hershel’s house for Thanksgiving? Or is your family coming up?” Daryl asked. 

“We’ll be there.” Rick smiled. “I heard Glenn’s coming.”

“If those two don’t get married I don’t believe in love.” Daryl grumbled. “I’m excited to see Beth. But also kind of nervous.”

“Why?”

“Cuz it’s been a while. I’ve only talked with her on the phone you know? Summer made me forget about how bad distance feels.”

Rick smiled gently. “It will be alright. Besides, Hershel and his wife make food so good you won’t even have time to stress over those things….shit, I need to prepare for this Senior Trip.” Rick rubbed his eyes. “Jeez." 

“Hey man you’re lucky. I’d love to go on that trip. What do you gotta do to get picked around here?”  

“Not act so grumbly.” Rick mused, giving Daryl a playful laugh.

“Hmpf. Whatever. Hey aren’t you paired with Negan?”

Rick inhaled sharply. “Yeah, how did you know?”

“Shit moves through this school like a shark through water. He alright or what?” Daryl asked.

“Yeah he’s alright. I mean, not sure how the trip is gonna go but we should be fine. I just hope Maggie and Glenn don’t treat it as some sort of premature honeymoon.”

Daryl snorted a laugh. “You got two young people in a honeymoon stage going on a trip to a cozy lodge. Good luck with that.”  

Rick laughed. “Yeah...okay I’ll see you in a few I gotta go find a book.”

“Alright.”

Rick wandered through the library. He traced his fingers along the spines of the books he passed as he looked for the one he wanted. He used to be in the library all the time. Mostly just to hang with Daryl. But other times to find books he hadn’t read before. That was his plan for this new school year. Read. Chill out. Proceed life with caution but be simple about it. And then Negan came in. Like some kind of bulldozer. Tearing his simple life apart. But making him feel alive at the same time. Whatever happens is up the universe...but Rick knew he needed this. A kickstart. A push. Maybe free falling was better than suspension. Rick found his book and noticed Andrea looking out the library window. She had a pen gently resting on her lip.

“Andrea.” Rick said.

Andrea turned around and smiled. “Hey Rick, how’s it going?”

“You must be excited for the trip.” Rick said.  

Andrea nodded. “Deanna’s too nice. Most bosses wouldn’t let couples be paired off in the same room together. I mean, she separated Glenn and Maggie.”

“That’s because she knows those two are like bunnies in Spring.” Rick replied.  

Andrea laughed and crossed her arms. “That’s very true.”

“So...I know I shouldn’t ask but...how’s Carl doing? Has he talked to you?” 

“He has. But he no longer dwells on Lori. He’s having a lot of mixed feelings about the girl he likes. He’s hoping to kiss her on the trip.”  

Rick scratched at his beard. “Oh jeez.”

“Don’t worry Rick. He’s really mature about it all. Now...I probably shouldn’t tell _you_ this, or anything we talk about...but he doesn’t like that you’re becoming friends with Negan. He hates him.” Andrea shrugged. “I tried to tell him some people need to warm up to others...but you know how teenagers are. Especially to their parents friends or whatever. It’s black and white to them.”

“Shit. I’m trying to keep Carl on my side.”

“He’s on your side, Rick. But he has reservations.”

“Thanks for telling me.” Rick said. “I’ll see you later, okay?”

“On the bus at six goddamn AM, Rick.” Andrea rolled her eyes. “I’m not a morning person.”

“Six AM with a bunch of teenagers...not even morning people can handle that.”

* * *

Rick checked out his book and began walking towards his classroom when he noticed Negan turning the corner down the gym hallway. He felt the butterflies again. He was starting to feel them when he would notice Negan far off. When Negan wouldn’t see him and Rick could just look at him. Rick felt himself collide with another person.

“Woah Rick!”

The girl in front of him was Tara, the second art teacher. She was holding a box of supplies. Some had spilled out.

“Sorry Tara.” Rick said, shaking his head. He bent down to the pick up the art supplies. “I wasn’t paying attention.”

“Yeah you’re telling me.” Tara said.

Rick put the supplies back in the box. “So how have you been? I feel like we never cross paths these days.” Rick said.

“Yeah you’re always scampering away towards the gym.” Tara mused. 

Rick stared at her, caught off guard.

“I’m just joking.” Tara shrugged. “I’ve been really good actually. I’m teaching Rosita how to paint.”

“Really? I haven’t heard from her in a while.”

“Yeah she’s super busy now. We’re usually up past midnight painting and whatnot.”

Rick nodded. “Um, not to be uh...nosy...but are her and Abraham still...together?”  

Tara broke Rick’s gaze and visibly became nervous. “Ummm, that’s not really- ah I mean, er…”

“Tara-” 

“Alright they aren’t, okay! They’ve been dealing with stuff for a long time and they broke it off a bit ago. Abraham and Sasha are seeing each other and me and Rosita kinda have something going on.”

“I thought you liked the nurse?” Rick questioned.

“I-I did. For a bit. But it didn’t work out. We’re still good friends though. Don’t tell anyone Rick. Abraham and Rosita want to tell people on their own time. They’re kind of uncomfortable with doing that.” Tara said. 

“Yeah no problem. I’m glad you told me though. I was scared Abraham was cheating.” Rick said. 

“Yeah I keep telling them that people are gonna think that. It kinda seemed to just phase out so I think they’re just hoping people catch on. Alright Rick I gotta go get these supplies to my class. I’ll see you later.”

“Yeah see you.” Rick said. He felt like he could at least relax about one couple in his life. Still, if anything was proven so far today it’s that information spills out and there’s no stopping it. He would have to be careful if he wanted his life to stay as quiet as possible. But the comment Tara made about Rick going to the gym made him feel uneasy. Like it was obvious Rick had an attachment of sorts. Rick tried to shrug it away and he returned to his classroom.

* * *

At the end of the day Rick said goodbye to his last class and headed towards the gym. Negan had missed lunch for some meeting with Abraham so Rick figured he should say goodbye before the break starts. Rick found Negan in the office in the locker room.

“Hey.” Rick said, walking into the office.

Negan stood up. “Hey Rick. Missed ya at lunch.” He grinned wildly. “Missed your sad peanut butter and jelly.”

“Here.” Rick said, placing a tupperware container on Negan’s desk. “Chili and Mac n Cheese.” 

“Oh fuck! Thanks Rick, holy shit.” Negan grinned, examining the container. Negan cleared his throat. “So Rick, uh, hanging out with you has a been a lot of fun.”  

Rick nodded slowly. “Yeah, same.”

“I mean, _really_.”

“Yeah... _same_.” Rick said, staring at Negan, catching the light in his eyes. 

Negan looked away. “ _Damn._ ”

“What?”  

“Nothing.”

“No. What?” Rick pressed.

“It’s stupid.” 

“Tell me.”

Negan rolled his eyes. “Your fucking eyes. It’s like you have a damn hurricane raging on behind them.”

Rick breathed sharply and looked away. “You’re right.”

“What?”

“That is stupid.”

“Hey-!” Negan barked and looked back up at Rick, only to find him smiling. Rick couldn’t help it anymore. “Rick…” 

“I’m leaving in a few seconds.” Rick said. “Carl and Sophia are waiting.” Rick began to back up towards the door. He put his hand on the handle. But didn’t break eye contact with Negan.

Negan walked towards him. “Always rushing.”

Rick closed the door behind him, hand still on the outside handle. The two were concealed in the office. “I’m about to leave.” Rick said, staring intently at Negan. He raised his eyebrows.

Negan put one hand on the wall besides Rick’s head and leaned in. “Well fuck.”

“I’m going.” Rick said gravelly. 

“One more second.” Negan said, looking into Rick’s eyes. His other hand found it’s way towards Rick’s neck.  

Rick felt time dismantling itself. Nothing was real anymore. He closed his eyes when Negan leaned in to kiss him. He wanted to live in this moment forever. All of his feelings were pouring out. _And Negan was kissing him._ And it was real. _And fuck._ It was real.

Negan pulled away. “Well. Our trip should be fun.”

Rick smirked nervously. “I-...I gotta go now.” Rick opened the door and scooted outside.  

“Bye Rick!” Negan called out.

“Bye!” Rick yelled out quickly. He nervously held his car keys in his hand.

The trip... _right_...and suddenly Rick was somehow a thousand times more nervous than he was already. _Fuck._

 


	7. Cold Fall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone, I hate how long these updates are taking so I won't promise anything for the next one but thanks for continuing to read! It sucks that I can't make writing a priority but again, I hope to update sooner. Thanks for reading <3 <3

Thanksgiving came and went. Dreams came and went. Rick tossed and turned more times than he could count during the nights leading up to the Senior Trip. Carl grumbled about. Not liking the idea of Rick and Negan being paired up as chaperones. It made Rick feel a little ill. And a little guilty. But he was an adult and it was his life. So why did he feel like the misbehaved teen out of the two? 

Negan didn't call and so Rick didn't call. It was a busy week anyway. And if Rick was being honest with himself, it made him extremely nervous. He didn't know what came over him in the locker room office. Or how he could let himself be that bold. But it happened. And Rick was glad that it did...it made him feel alive and on fire. But this was new territory: completely. And Rick wasn't quite sure he knew how to navigate it all. There was no map, no directions, no instructions...only the unknown. But he felt ready. Or naive. Or stupid. But that didn't really matter right now. 

“Remember to be very very careful, Carl.” Rick said as the two were driving to school. It was still dark outside. The calm tired dark just before the sun makes its grand entrance. Rick was trying not to grip the steering wheel, a habit he picked up after the accident. 

Carl would have rolled his eyes if he didn't know his dad’s concerns were the product of deep anxiety. But he knew. “I know.” He replied. 

“Did you bring a book for the ride?” Rick asked.

“No. I'm just gonna sleep the whole way.”

“That's a good idea.” 

“Are you just gonna talk to Negan the whole time?” Carl muttered.

Rick glanced over at Carl. He could practically see the smoke rising from him. “Well we are partnered up. And we are friends. So it's likely. Or I might sleep, I'm not sure.” 

Carl didn't respond.  

* * *

Rick pulled into the school parking. It was a desolate wasteland minus the chaperone cars. Three large buses waited against the school. Rick had barely begun to turn the car off when Carl was out the door, carrying his suitcase towards the buses to meet Sophia who had been dropped off by Carol. Rick sighed. It was going to take a lot to get Carl back on his side. And if this is how he acted thinking Rick and Negan were _friends_...Rick didn’t want to know what waited for him beyond the progression of their relationship. Rick turned the car off, grabbed his duffle bag, and slung it over his shoulder. The air was cold and almost cruel. But there was something lingering on in it. Something adventurous. Standing by bus number three was Negan. He was gripping the handle to his suitcase. A small black one that made Rick wonder what could possibly fit inside. Negan was already wearing his leather jacket and red scarf...and he only wore t-shirts at school...Rick wondered if the man even had other clothes. A part of him wanted to see Negan in a sweater. There’s no way Negan didn’t bring another coat. But there he stood with that leather jacket on. A winter coat couldn’t fit in his tiny black suitcase, Rick thought. And then Rick thought how he was thinking too much about suitcases and coats and Negan in sweaters.   

“Hey there, pardner.” Negan said in his bad southern accent. “How’s the life going?” 

Rick blinked tiredly. “We’re up at the asscrack of dawn, but life is going alright I suppose.” Rick smirked, or tried to. He didn’t know how he came off when he was tired. 

“Good. Because we have a lot ahead of us Ricky.” Negan replied, shoving his hands in his jacket pockets after handing one of the other teachers his bag. They were loading the luggage underneath the bus.  

“Do we now?” 

“Yes sir, we do.” Negan smiled crookedly and stepped onto the bus. Rick followed. The two sat towards the front. All of the kids were piled into the back. The buses were nice. Soft seats. Roomy. Nothing like a yellow school bus that was for damn sure. He never questioned Carl or Sophia about why they didn’t want to take the bus; why they’d rather go in early with Rick...it was because yellow school buses were complete and absolute shit. “Oh fuck, do you want the window seat?” Negan asked, breaking Rick from his thought. 

“What? N-no it’s fine.” Rick stuttered. 

“Are you sure? You can have it if you want.” Negan pressed. 

“No, it’s fine.”  

“Suit yourself, Ricky.” 

 Rick’s eyes flicked between Negan’s. “Hey.” 

“What?” 

“Uh.” Rick looked behind him, then whispered. “Don’t call me that.”  

“ _ What? _ ” Negan scoffed.

“Rumors...and things...spread fast in this school. I don’t need...ah, forget it. We’ll talk about it later.” Rick said, facing forward. Staring out into the dark dawn. 

“Alright.” Negan replied. He leaned back into his seat and readjusted himself.

Rick felt like he was constantly on fire and constantly on ice. Elements changing eternally. Once everyone was on the bus, Maggie stood up to take roll call. And once everyone was accounted for, the bus began to move. Rick felt his eyelids hovering. He was about to enter some sort of dream when he heard Negan’s voice. And then Negan was shoving something in his face. He tried to shake the tired from his eyes enough to see what it was. 

“Chips…?” Rick said. 

“Were you already falling asleep? It hasn’t even been five minutes. We’re barely off school property.” Negan laughed.  

Rick squinted at him and sighed. “I’m not a morning person.” 

“Duly noted.”  

“Also, why the hell are you eating chips before 7am?” Rick asked. 

“Uh, I’m fucking hungry?” 

“You know, for a gym teacher I barely see you eat healthy.” Rick joked. 

Negan’s eyes bore into Rick’s. The glimmer in them made Rick feel weak. “I eat healthy at home.” He said. “Maybe you should come over. I’ll cook for you.” 

Rick stared at him angrily. 

“Right, right...I’ll be quiet.” Negan smirked.  

Rick unzipped his jacket and took it off. He laid it out on his lap and closed his eyes.  

“Are you seriously going to sleep?” He heard Negan ask.

Rick opened his eyes again. “Yes. Why?”

“Because the day has started.” 

“I’m not a freak like you.” Rick said. “I require sleep.” 

“Don’t you get up this fucking early for work?” 

Rick sighed. “Yes. But we’ve been off from work so my sleep schedule is all screwed up. Can I please sleep now?” 

Negan huffed. “Fine.”

Rick closed his eyes and smirked. It was cute how much Negan wanted to talk to him. Spend time with him. See him. It was real. And Rick had to remind himself of that since the kiss happened. It’s real. 

Rick had managed to somehow sleep the whole way. He had opened his eyes a few times, noticing Negan fiddling around with his Walkman. The ride wasn’t as bad as Rick thought it would be, and sitting in such close proximity to Negan was an odd feeling. While he was definitely nervous to be so close, there was a comfort that Rick hadn’t felt in years. He didn’t feel like he had to be so alert and on guard. It was nice. Rick woke up, officially, when he felt the bus slow down. The familiar pressing of gravel under tire meant they had reached their destination and the bus was parking. He looked out the window past Negan to see the ski lodge they were staying in. Snow was everywhere and Rick started to put his jacket back on. 

Negan stretched, his arm passing over in front of Rick’s face. “Fucking finally.” He said. “Have a good nap, sleeping beauty?” Negan barked with laughter.

Rick rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I did. Hey-”

Rick was cut off when Maggie stood up in the middle on the aisle to face all of the passengers. “Okay everyone, we all have an hour to go settle into our rooms or grab some breakfast. Then we are meeting at the slope entrance where everyone will get their equipment and we’ll go over some more rules there. So grab your bags and you can go to your rooms.” Maggie said.  Rick always felt like Maggie should lead more events at school. She had a way of leading that still made everyone feel like an equal. Rick felt his own leadership skills could use more of that. But he was more of a “get shit done” kind of guy to figure out how to do that. Once off the bus and luggage in hand, Rick looked around for Carl. But he was gone.

“I’m fucked.” Rick said, as Negan grabbed his own bag. 

“Why?”  

“Carl.” 

“Ah…” Negan laughed softly. “He’ll get over it. Well, shit, maybe not. If this thing goes anywhere.”  

Rick looked at Negan awkwardly. “Yeah…” He replied.

“You want it to? I mean, shit, we get a room and a little vacation. Usually that shit happens when we’re a year in, right? But we can just be like, super fucking casual for now.” Negan cleared his throat. “Treat this like a first date?” 

Rick scratched at his beard and looked at the ground, concealing a smile. “Yeah, let’s do that.” 

“Cool.” 

Rick and Negan headed into the lodge. It looked how anyone would expect it to look. Like one big log cabin meets hotel. A dining area was to the right of the lobby. To the left was a few more rooms used for conferences and events. Somewhere in the middle was a line of elevators. Rick followed Negan into one of them. They held the door open for Michonne and Andrea.

“Hey Rick, are you ready to ski?” Michonne laughed. 

“Yeah.” Rick replied, smirking. “But to be honest I’m more excited for the hot tub.”

“What about you Negan?” Michonne asked. “What are you looking forward to?”

Negan smiled crookedly and Rick felt his face get hot. He knew what Negan wanted to say, but he hoped to God he wouldn’t. “Hm…” Negan began. “I think I’m most excited to smoke Rick’s ass on the slopes.” 

Rick laughed. “I told you I’ve done this before. Don’t say anything you can’t take back.” 

“So you guys are pretty much a pair now, huh?” Andrea asked. 

Rick looked at her. If anyone was going to pick up on anything it would be Andrea. She could always tell who liked who, what one person did to another, who was fighting, etc. 

“Rick’s just real fucking nice.” Negan smirked. “Someone’s got to be the new kid’s friend.”

Andrea smiled back, the elevator opened to their floor. “We’ll catch you guys later.” She said. 

“See ya.” Rick said. Negan waved. Michonne and Andrea left and the elevator doors closed. 

“So, Mr. Grimes. I’m gonna really need you to teach me how to ski and shit.” Negan said.

“Ok, look...I haven’t done this in a bit. But we’ll try.” Rick replied. 

“There a lot you haven’t done in a bit?” 

Rick looked up at Negan. He knew he was probably turning red. “ _ What? _ ” 

Negan shrugged. “I’m just saying-”

“First date stuff. Remember?”  

Negan laughed. “Right...first date stuff.”

The elevator stopped again. The two found their room. Rick placed his bag on his bed. Negan did the same with his. The room was cozy and it was weird how much it felt like this should be happening much later on in their relationship. Considering they were a week into whatever  _ this _ was. Rick was glad the kiss happened when it did. If he had to share a room with Negan with all of the odd tension going on he wouldn’t be able to take it. Negan collapsed onto his bed and closed his eyes.

“Hey.” Rick said. “Aren’t we going to get breakfast?”

 Negan groaned. “I’m fucking tired.”

 “You should have slept on the bus like I did.” 

“Fuck off.” Negan mumbled. He rolled onto his side. “I could go for some breakfast though.” 

“Come on.” Rick flicked his head towards the door. 

 Negan got off of the bed and walked over to Rick. They stared at each other for a moment. “Can I...?” Negan started to ask. Rick nodded, and Negan leaned forward, kissing Rick. He pulled away shorty. “Alright, let’s go get breakfast.” He said walking away.

Rick felt light. Like any minute now he would float away into space and suffocate. He stood where he was for a few seconds. Not moving. He looked over at Negan who had opened the door. 

“You coming?” Negan asked. 

Rick blinked. “Yeah.” 

* * *

“Oh Jesus.” 

Rick looked over at Negan. They were currently on the ski lift heading up towards one of the slopes. The air was frigid. Rick had questioned Negan’s attire earlier. The same leather jacket and scarf. Negan had put on a few more layers underneath but Rick knew he’d be fucking cold. 

“What?” Rick asked. 

“We’re high up.” 

“You’re scared of heights?” 

“You’re not??” Negan barked.

“Not really.”

“Well...I am. Especially when I’m in a rickety goddamn ski lift motherfucker.” 

“We’re almost there.” Rick replied.  

The two reached the top. Negan took a deep breath. Rick smirked. There was still so much to learn about the man in front of him. And it excited Rick. But it also made him nervous. What if there were things about each other that they didn’t like? Would their relationship end in fire?  

“Rick!” 

Rick snapped out of his thoughts and looked at Negan. “Huh?” 

“We going or what?”  

“Y-yeah. You want to do the easy slope first?” Rick asked. "That's a little further down that way." Rick pointed behind Negan.

“No.” Negan said. “Let’s just go to the good ones so I don’t have to ride that lift so many times.” He mumbled.

“Fair enough.” Rick said, “Ok follow me.”  

The two walked for a bit before happening upon one of the slopes. People were already going down. 

“And this is...safe?” Negan asked.

“It’s...I mean, yeah. If you make it safe.” Rick said. 

“What the fuck does that mean??” 

“It means that accidents happen. But most people are okay. You’ll be fine, Negan.” Rick said. 

“Okay…”  

“Here, I’ll show you how to get on your skis.” Rick said, taking Negan’s skis from him.  

“I think I can do that.” Negan said.  

Rick looked up at Negan. “I thought I was supposed to be your teacher or something.” He teased. 

“Hm. Fine.”  

After they were done going over a few more things, they were ready to ski. “Just follow me.” Rick said. And then he was gone, going down the slope. Negan followed. Rick was surprised how well Negan was doing. Hell, he was surprised how well  _ he _ was doing. He probably wouldn’t even be skiing right now if Negan wasn’t with him. And then he felt Negan collide with him. The two tumbled down past trees, falling until the snow stopped them from moving any farther. Rick took his feet out of his skis and looked around. They were surrounded by trees, not far from the slope’s path. 

“Negan are you alright?” Rick called out. 

Negan groaned and lifted himself up. “Are we just fucking destined to fall into each other all the fucking time? This is like the third goddamn time this has happened.”  

“Shit, I guess we are. What happened?”  

“I don’t fucking know. I gained more speed than I thought I guess. I couldn’t control where I was fucking going. Are you okay, though?” 

Rick nodded. “Startled the hell out of me, but I’m fine.” 

Negan looked over at Rick, seeing him clearer. “Holy shit you’re face is bleeding.”  

Rick put his hand up to his face. Blood was on his glove when he pulled his hand away. “Oh fuck. Is it bad? It doesn’t feel bad. Is it okay?” Rick stumbled up to walk closer to Negan. “How does it look?”  

“Rick, don’t worry you’re okay.” 

“But is it fine??” Rick wasn’t focusing on anything but the blood he saw on his glove.  

“Yes, Rick. It’s just a cut. You must have hit a rock or a branch or something like that when we were falling.” Negan put his hands on Rick’s shoulders and gave him a little shake. “Rick you’re good. Okay? You’re good.” 

Rick nodded slowly. “Sorry.”  

“What the fuck are you sorry for?” 

“I get a little...freaked out when I get hurt.” 

“Yeah you told me that before. It’s fine, Rick. Remember, we both have our issues. Nothing to be sorry for. Not to me.”  

“Thanks.” 

“Alright, Rick. Let’s get the fuck off this goddamn mountain.” 

“Yeah. I’m kind of over it.” 

“Hey, I’m fine if I don’t have to go on that fucking ski lift again.” Negan smirked. 

Rick managed a smile. “Let’s just walk.” 

“Yeah, no fucking shit. Maybe we can try the easy one later. Or tomorrow. Or not at all, I don’t fucking care. We can stay in the room the whole time and I’d be fucking fine.” Negan said, trudging through the snow. 

“Yeah. Me too.” Rick sighed. Dragging his skiing equipment down the slope wasn’t exactly how he thought this trip was going to go, but he was too winded to really care.  

“Lucille was into all this kind of stuff. Like I said before, she did roller derby, but she was also into things like surfing and shit. But she could only do that when we went on vacation to the beach, which wasn’t as often as either of us would have liked. She’s probably laughing her ass off watching me right now.” 

“I’m surprised you aren’t into all of this too.” Rick said.

“I know, I know. I’m more of a sports guy though, you know? She liked stuff with adventure and thrill in it. And I guess I liked that by proxy.”

“Not to change the subject but I’ve been meaning to ask something.” Rick said. 

“What?”  

“Were you ever going to make a move?”  

Negan laughed loudly. “What??” 

 “You know...if I wasn’t the one to do it. Were you planning on saying or doing anything?” 

Negan cleared his throat. “I mean...yeah.”  

“Really?” 

“Yeah, Rick. But I was also going to wait a hell of a lot longer. I was actually really fucking glad you made the first move. I really didn’t know if you liked me.” Negan said.

“I feel like it was obvious.” Rick admitted.

“Shit, I felt like it was obvious I liked  _ you _ .” 

“Really?? I just thought that was your personality. Until we went rollerskating. I think that’s when I caught on.” Rick said.

“Yeah...it was getting too hard not be so fucking transparent. You’re the first person I’ve liked like this, Rick. It’s kind of fucking nerve wracking to be perfectly fucking honest.” Negan sighed. 

“Same here.”  

“I’ve never been this open with anyone before. Except for Lucille. Sorry if I’m coming off too fucking strong.”  

Rick looked behind him. “I don’t mind. I prefer it actually. Cut right to it, you know? We’ve been dancing around each other since school started, it’s nice to feel that kind of anxiety.” 

“You’ve liked me since school started?” Negan smirked.

Rick turned back around. “Did you?” 

“Yes. Pretty much the second you walked into my classroom. I didn’t think I had a chance in hell. But then you kept coming back.” 

“You’re a very...intriguing person.” 

Negan laughed again. “Most people would not put it that way.” 

“Well, you do suck at first impressions. I’ll give them that.” Rick replied.

“Yeah, I do.”  

* * *

“Rick!! Oh my God!!” 

Rick and Negan were putting their skis away when Rick heard the familiar voice shouting from across the way. He turned around and saw Maggie running towards him. 

“You’re face!” She exclaimed, gracing a hand towards Rick’s forehead. 

“Oh yeah, we had a bit of a tumble.” Rick explained. 

“Well follow me I can help you-”

“No, no, Maggie it’s fine. I was just going to go take care of it in my room.” Rick said. “It’s really not that bad.” 

“Alright…” Maggie said. “Well I’ll see you for dinner maybe, okay?” 

“Yeah we’ll be there.” Rick said. He watched Maggie walk back into the lodge. 

Negan finished putting his skis away and joined Rick. “Alrighty Rick. Let’s go get your face back to it’s pretty self.” 

Rick rolled his eyes but smirked. He and Negan made their way to their room, picking up a few first aid supplies before heading inside. Rick walked into the bathroom and saw the dried blood that had trailed down his face. From his forehead to his cheek. He started to wet some of the toilet paper.  

“Not so fast, sunshine.” Negan said, entering the bathroom. “Sit down.” 

“What??” 

Negan took the toilet paper from Rick and put his hand on Rick’s shoulder. “This is my fault, I’m gonna fix it.” 

“Negan I can do it.” Rick huffed.  

“Sit. Down.” 

Rick begrudgingly sat down on the toilet. Negan took the toilet paper and began cleaning Rick’s face.  

“You got blood in your fucking beard.” Negan laughed. “I was thinking of growing one, what do you think?” 

“Hm. I think you’d look good with a beard.” Rick winced when Negan pressed onto the cut.  

“Shit, sorry. I’m gonna put some peroxide on it.” Negan said. He fished through the small batch of first aid supplies and found a tiny bottle. 

“Now I gotta wear a damn band aid on my head.” Rick mumbled. 

“You’ll live.” Negan smirked.  

Rick smiled softly. It was hard sometimes remembering Negan was older than him by a decade. But Rick had a feeling he would come to appreciate having someone around who had a bit more life experience. It was hard always being the leader in things. And Rick felt like Negan could lift some of that weight off of his shoulders. After Negan finished putting the band aid on Rick, Rick stood up and looked in the mirror.

“Great.” He laughed. Now everyone’s gonna ask.

“Well it’s better than showing off your gross ass scrape.” Negan said. “Which again...I’m really fucking sorry about.” 

“Don’t worry about it. So do you wanna go check out the rest of the lodge? Unfortunately we’re not allowed to drink since we’re chaperones of children.” Rick laughed.

“Yeah that fucking sucks. But I’m fucking game to explore. Maybe find a fireplace or some shit.” Negan said.

“Yeah.” Rick and Negan walked towards the door to their room. Rick stopped Negan before he could open the door. “Wait.” 

“Hm?” Negan faced Rick.  

And the Rick kissed Negan. And vice versa. Negan pushed Rick into the wall and put one hand to Rick’s neck. Rick grabbed onto Negan’s sweater, pulling Negan closer. The two were blinded by each other’s presence. And then a knock on the door came.  Negan and Rick jumped, startled by the knock only a few feet away. Negan pulled away from Rick and opened the door. Rick quickly walked further into the room. 

“Yes?” Negan asked bluntly.  

“Just...checking on Rick.” Maggie said.  

“Oh Maggie.” Rick said, walking back towards the door. “I’m good, thanks.” 

“No problem. What were guys about to do?” 

Negan crossed his arms. “We were gonna find a fireplace and just fucking relax. We’re a little over skiing at the moment.” 

“Yeah I bet.” Maggie said. “Okay, well have fun. Oh and Rick...you might want to brush your hair. You look like you just got into a fight with a raccoon.”  

Rick laughed nervously. “Yeah...I will.”  

Maggie left and Negan shut the door. He turned around and leaned against it. “So now I’m a raccoon huh?” 

Rick combed his fingers through his hair. “Yeah.” 

“What the fuck are we getting ourselves into, Ricky?” Negan grinned wildly. 

“I have no fucking idea.” Rick said, exhaling deeply.

“Come on then...let’s go join the world of the living.” Negan said, hand on the door handle. 

“I’ve been trying to join them for years.” Rick said softly. 

Negan opened the door. “Well, that’s why I’m here.” 

Rick nodded and walked out the door. It didn’t matter how this was going to go, how it was going to end. Because it made Rick feel alive. It made the upcoming minutes, days, weeks seem like they were filled with light and mystery and joy. It was the honeymoon stage. And Rick didn’t really care if it ended or not. Because it would be fun while it lasted. And Rick already felt stronger with Negan by his side. 

Fuck. How far was he falling? 


	8. No Running

Nighttime fell along the sky of the lodge. The kids were accounted for in their rooms, told not to stray outside of them. The first day was over and there were no incidents; minus Negan colliding into Rick. Some of the teachers went to their rooms. Rick and Negan found themselves sitting in the hot tub with Michonne, Andrea, Glenn, and Maggie. Rick tried not to think too hard about it feeling like a couples getaway. Instead, he let his body relax in the hot water. In it he realized how sore he was. The atmosphere was calm. They were partially outside, under a large roof that shielded the sky from them. The orange and brown tones in the decor and walls made it feel even warmer and relaxing. 

“I don’t wanna go back to school.” Michonne said, closing her eyes and resting her head back.

“I think none of us do.” Maggie laughed. “I feel bad for Daryl, he would love this.”

“He’d be making fun of me and Negan for falling down the hill. I don’t feel bad.” Rick joked. “But yeah he was pretty bummed.” 

“I’m just annoyed we can’t have one drink.” Andrea said. “I think I should be allowed to drink at school with all the stuff I deal with. Do you know how many kids I see who have nothing but problems? High school is a bitch.”  

“Yeah, and we all chose to stay the fuck in it.” Negan replied. “High school never ends. We just look older, that’s all.”

“Are you liking Alexandria, Negan?” Andrea asked. 

“Yeah, it’s a lot nicer than some of the other schools I’ve worked at. I like the town too. And the people.”  

Maggie laughed. “Really?”

Negan smirked. “Right, I know I was an asshole when I first got here but yes, I like all of you.”

Michonne shifted closer to Andrea. “Well, you have Rick as a right hand man now. That’s a good place to start if you’re gonna stick around.”

“I know, Rick’s a fucking saint.” Negan looked at Rick, who couldn’t make eye contact. “Even when I send him flying down a cold hill he still keeps me around.”

Rick laughed. “Don’t get used to it.”  

“Sure Ricky.”

“Rick’s like our sheriff.” Glenn said. “Always keeping an eye on us, and making people feel safe. 

“Does that make me the outlaw?” Negan joked.

“Yes.” Maggie said bluntly.

Rick started laughing. “Yeah it is kinda like that, isn’t it?”

“Alright,” Michonne said getting up from the hot tub, “I’m going to bed. You coming Andrea?”

“Yeah I’m pretty tired too.” Andrea replied.

“It’s not fair.” Maggie said. “Y’all getting a room together.” 

Andrea smiled. “Well as Rick put it, Deanna knows you two are like bunnies in spring.” 

Maggie turned to face Rick, a big smile on her face. “What!!” 

Rick held his hands up. “H-hey, I’m just speaking the truth.”

Glenn laughed. Maggie snapped her head towards him. “Glenn!”

“What?? It is true.” Glenn said. 

Maggie crossed her arms. “Well...whatever. It’s still not fair, because we all know you two are going to have at it.”  

Michonne and Andrea laughed. “Obviously.” Michonne said.

“I better go too.” Maggie said. “I don’t want to wake Sasha if she’s sleeping.”  

Glenn followed her out of the hot tub. “Same, Aaron was already complaining about being tired.” He laughed.

“Goodnight guys.” Maggie added, giving Rick and Negan a small wave.

“Yeah goodnight.” Rick replied. He watched them all leave. 

“Finally.” Negan said. “Some alone time.”

Rick moved to the opposite side of the hot tub and rested deeper into the water. “I’m sore as shit.” He said. “My feet are killing me.”

“Give em here.” Negan said. “Remember I’m good at massages?” Rick gave Negan a quizzical look before lifting one of his feet towards Negan. “So, Sheriff Grimes, I sure am fitting in well now huh?” 

“Hm...maybe.” Rick squinted at Negan. “Not sure yet. We still got a lot of the school year left.”

“True...so...anyone ask you to prom yet?”  

Rick rolled his eyes playfully. “Watch, we’re gonna end up chaperoning that shit.”

“Are you kidding? I fucking hope so.”

“Are you serious?”

“Yes I’m serious. Besides, I wanna go to the fucking prom with you.” Negan smiled like an asshole. 

Rick switched out his feet. “Well, I guess I’d be more down if Carl wasn’t going. But he is. And if I chaperone he might not like it. I’m surprised he doesn’t find me embarrassing at school...but prom is a whole other story.” 

“Right...probably not the most comfortable thing in the world to have your parent at prom with you.” Negan laughed.

“Exactly.”  

“Well, we’ll just stand in the darkest corner.” Negan smiled slyly. 

“Shut up.” 

* * *

Later that night Negan was in the shower. Rick could hear him singing something. It was cute. _Too cute._ And Rick didn’t know how to fully process what was happening in front of him.

He thought of the first day they met - four months prior. How Negan greeted him with that wild smile Rick knew was trouble. And when Negan shook his hand - almost taking it with him as he released his grip. All these initial moments that Rick would come to deny as ‘moments’ for the sake of his own protection. And then came the fighting. Between Negan and Glenn, Negan and Maggie, Negan and Rick. Hell, Negan and his students. To arrive at this point felt farther off or not even in the realm of possibility. But they were here now. _At this point._  

Rick was in his sweatpants and a plain white t-shirt. He sprawled himself on his bed messing around with Negan’s walkman that he had pocketed from the black suitcase on the floor. He opened it up to reveal the cassette tape that was nestled inside. Fucking Billy Idol. Rick laughed and put the headphones on.

“You stealing my shit?” Negan said minutes later, coming out of the bathroom in nothing but a towel.

Rick rolled over and sat up quickly, thrown off by Negan’s attire. “Uh...yeah. Do you only have this cassette?”

Negan smiled softly and sat on the bed. “It was Lucille’s favorite. I have a ton of music but...I can’t seem to want to listen to anything else.”

Rick returned the smile and took the headphones off. “So, you want to try skiing again tomorrow?”

“Yeah. Might as fucking well do what we came here to do. How’s your head doing?” Negan asked.

Rick placed his fingers gently over the bandaid on his forehead. “It still kind of hurts but I’m fine.

“Do your friends always get so concerned about you? They were hounding you at dinner.” Negan commented. He stood up and lifted his suitcase to the bed. He began rooting through it looking for clean clothes.

Rick sighed and laughed pathetically. “Yes they are. We’re all kind of like that to be honest. But I think they...I don’t know I think they’re just kind of cautious of me. I’ve had a few panic attacks in the past so they just...care a lot now I guess.” 

“You got a hell of a support system.”  

“I know...sometimes I wish I didn’t feel like I needed it still. You know sometimes I feel like they’re afraid something is going to happen and I’m going to really lose it. I mean I know I kind of got panicked when we fell but...it can be a lot worse. I just wish I could be strong again.”

Negan pulled a shirt of his head. “Hey, you can be. Hell, you already are. But Rick, things take fucking time. And what’s so fucking bad about that? Anyone who gives you shit that you aren’t a hundred percent can go fuck themselves.”  

Rick smirked. “Thanks.”

“Of fucking course. Oh and don’t forget you got me now.”

“Right.” Rick rolled his eyes. “Prince Charming.”

Negan scowled and smiled crookedly. “I see, giving me that southern fucking sass now.”

“Hm?” Rick raised his eyebrows and smiled playfully.

Negan stared Rick down. “Rick...don’t look at me like that when I got a damn towel on.”

“First date stuff.” Rick said.

Negan exhaled sharply. “Yeah. I know. But Rick...we got a goddamn golden oppor-fucking-tunity here…” 

Rick shook his head. 

“You’re a fucking tease.” Negan said, grabbing boxers out of his suitcase and slipping them on under his towel, which he dropped afterwards.

Rick looked away, pretending to mess with the alarm clock. “Well, I don’t know what to tell you. Good things come to those who wait.” Negan hopped on the bed next to Rick. Rick turned around. “What are you doing?”  

“Relax Rick. I’m just sitting here. Besides, I’m not really ready to go that far anyway.”  

“What, really? Half the time it looks like you want to eat me.”  

Negan barked with laughter. “Fair enough. But yeah...to be honest I’m kind of…” Negan laughed and put his hand to his face. “Ahh…”

“What?” Rick asked, trying not to smile. 

“I don’t fucking know. I just don’t want to disappoint you so I guess I’m okay waiting a bit.”

“Are you serious? So you really are all bark and no bite.” Rick teased.

“Add the fact that I actually like you a whole fucking lot...I haven’t felt nervous to fuck in a long ass time. I feel stupid even saying this shit.” Negan said.

“Don’t. Like I said before, we cut right to the chase. I’m not playing around anymore. But that’s relieving.” 

“I can’t tell if we’re the most honest take-no-shit guys or the most pathetic.” Negan said. “Two fucking peas in some sad fucking pod.”

“It’s not so sad anymore.”  

Negan paused for a moment and then laughed. “Okay, our conversations need to stop turning into therapy sessions.”

“Yeah, so what do you want to talk about?”  

Negan leaned in closer to Rick. “Who says we have to talk at all?” He said, leaning into Rick’s neck.

“That’s cheesy.”  

Negan pulled away. “I’m trying to be flirty, Rick _fucking_ Grimes.”

“Well stop being so damn corny.” Rick replied.

“You motherfucker.” Negan sprung into Rick, sending him down onto the bed. “Maybe you need a detention.”  

Rick grabbed Negan’s shirt in his hands. “If you say anything school related to me I’ll kill you.”

Negan smiled, sliding his tongue in between his teeth. “Okay okay, you don’t like corny and you don’t like role play. Got it. What do you like, Rick?”

Rick smirked and tightened his grip on Negan’s shirt. “I like what’s happening right now, just stop talking unless you’re gonna say something good.”  

Negan chuckled lowly and leaned down closer to Rick. “How about we just get right to it, then?”

“Good idea.” Rick said.

Negan started to kiss Rick slowly. Suddenly Rick felt far away. On some sort of odd Cloud Nine where he fell for obnoxious gym teachers and he didn’t give a damn. All Rick knew was that this was the best thing that happened to him in a long while. Rick had closed his eyes but then found them open. He was down from Cloud Nine and he was staring back up at Negan, who had moved his hand down Rick’s pants.

Negan looked at Rick. “Shit, sorry.”

“No.” Rick said. “Keep going.”

Negan laughed. “You sure? This isn’t exactly first date stuff.” 

“I don’t fucking care.” Rick replied. 

Negan smirked and worked his hand back down Rick’s pants. Rick tilted his head as Negan started to kiss his neck. He didn’t know how long it had been since he felt something like this. It was like pure electricity had hit his body. Rick was back on the cloud. And he didn’t want to come down.

* * *

Rick woke up in the middle of the night; which he only knew by looking at the clock. He felt like he had already slept until morning. The idea of getting even more sleep was nice. He noticed Negan pressed against his back, arm hung over him. At first he couldn’t remember Negan sharing his bed with him. But there was a moment after they had turned off the lights, cocooned in their separate beds, where they both decided “what the hell.” That was when Negan got into Rick’s bed faster than Rick had ever seen him move. It was all endearing. And Rick was pretty fucking content. Especially after earlier.

After sleeping for the rest of the night, Rick had gotten up early to call Carol to see how Judith was doing. He kept the conversation short so that he could return to bed for at least a little bit longer before heading off into another day of cold adventure. Negan stirred beside him, groaning as he woke up. 

“ _Fuccckkk_.” Negan said from under the covers. “I never want to wake up.”

“Too bad. We’re skiing today.”

“I’m old, I need my rest.”

“You’re not old.” Rick said. “Besides, you gave me shit yesterday about sleeping on the bus.”

“That feels like a fucking lifetime ago.” Negan groaned. “And I take it back. We need to sleep.”

“Actually we need to go to breakfast. It’s mandatory so they know no one escaped at night.” Rick joked. He got up and started to change. 

“Fine.” Negan grumbled and joined Rick in getting ready.  

Once they were done changing, the two made their way down to the dining area where breakfast was being served and where the lead chaperones stood. Kids were piling in and getting their food. Rick caught Carl on the way to his table.

“Hey Carl, what are your plans today?” Rick asked.

“I guess ski again.” Carl replied monotone.  

“Are you okay?”

“Dad, I’m fine.”

“You don’t sound fine.” Rick said, concerned. 

“Well, I am.” Carl pushed past Rick.

Rick stood there for a moment wondering what the hell was going on with Carl. Something in the tone of his voice led Rick to believe this wasn’t about Negan. That there was something else now bothering him. He knew figuring that out would prove difficult, but he knew he had to try. 

“Rick!” Glenn called, waving Rick over to his table.

Rick looked around for Negan. Once he spotted him making his way towards Rick, Rick joined Glenn at his table. Negan sat down next to him.

“Are the beds here super comfortable or what?? I’m not looking forward to going back home.” Glenn said before piling pancakes into his mouth.  

“They are.” Negan smirked. Rick ignored him.

“Rick,” Maggie said, “You look really refreshed this morning.”

Rick looked up at Maggie. “Oh...I had a really good night of sleep.” 

“You’re like...glowing.” Maggie admired.

“Oh…” Rick shrugged. “I don’t know.”

Negan laughed beside him, but quickly stopped. Rick could have glared at him but he chose not to. How long before everyone in Alexandria High knows one of the history teachers is dating one of the goddamn gym teachers? Rick hoped it wouldn’t be for a long while.

But Rick knew he probably seemed different. He felt different. Lighter. He looked over at Negan and felt juvenile. He had developed a crush and by some miracle Negan had liked him the entire time. That made it feel universally planned. And the similarities in each others lives didn’t help. Maybe this was something special. Something solid. Something grand.  

* * *

“I think something is going on with Carl.” Rick said to Negan. The two were on the ski lift again, going up to the easy slope.  

Negan was gripping the railing of the lift with all of his might. “Yeah you’ve been saying he fucking hates me.”  

“No, this is about something else. I’m pretty sure it is, at least. Whenever he’s mad about you and I being friends he always gives me some kind of snarky remark. But this was different. I think it might have something to do with the girl he likes.” Rick explained. “I don’t know what to say to him to get him to open up to me.”

“He’ll figure it out on his own.” Negan said. “Trust me, you can try and talk to him about it as much as you want, but if he doesn’t wanna talk he’s not fucking gonna.”

“I know. I’m just worried.”

“It’s high school, Rick. Fuck, it’s his senior year. If there’s no drama then he’s not really living, right?”

“Yeah I gue-” 

“HOLY SHIT.” Negan exclaimed, placing a hand on Rick's shoulder.

“What?!” Rick asked, getting startled.

“Just, back up a fucking second…okay, Carl likes a girl, right?”  

“Yes..”  

“Do you know her name?”  

“No, he’s been very elusive about any details.” Rick replied. “Why?”

“There’s a girl in the class I have with Carl. Her name is Enid. And then there’s this little fucker named Ron. He’s annoying as shit but most high school boys are, so I just kind of ignore him. Anyway...I don’t think Carl likes him either. They’ve gotten into a few arguments that I’ve had to break the fuck up. Real stupid shit. So I’ve had these three in my gym class last marking period and now in my health class. I’m starting to wonder if part of Carl’s resentment of me is from pairing up Enid and Ron together. I put them next to each other in health. They seemed like friends so I just kept partnering them up. Obviously not all the fucking time...but I think some pieces are starting to fall into place.” Negan said.

“Oh my God.” Rick sighed. “That’s probably it. And maybe Ron did something yesterday to make Carl upset.”

“He probably likes Enid too. I’m gonna switch up the seating chart when we get back. Maybe earn some brownie points with your kid.”

“Yeah, maybe. Carl’s stubborn as hell.”

“Well if he keeps despising me then you and I are gonna have a hell of a fucking time in the future.” Negan laughed. 

The ski lift stopped and Negan and Rick got off. It was cold as shit and Rick could have endlessly rolled his eyes at Negan’s attire. Instead the two went on the easy slope for a while. They eventually tried the one from before and went down with ease. It was a long day of going up and down and up the slopes. Rick couldn’t stop thinking about Carl. He wanted the best for him. He wanted his crush to like him back. Just like Rick had gotten. But a lot of times it didn’t work out like that. Prom was in May. A long while off but Rick knew Carl was probably stressing out about it. Sometimes Rick felt like people couldn’t be even in life. That the scales were always off balance between everybody.  

* * *

It was their last day. They were going to be leaving early in the morning and Rick and Negan were currently in their room again. Negan’s bed was still made. Untouched. Negan was fiddling with the tv. 

“Nothing good on.” He mumbled, leaving on MTV. He jumped onto Rick’s bed. 

“Almost back to reality.” Rick said.

Negan looked over at Rick and sighed. “It’s gonna be a lot fucking harder now.”

“I know.” Rick laughed and shook his head. “Well, you have my number.”

“Your phone’s gonna disconnect itself after how many times I fucking call.” Negan joked. “Hey, you’ll have to come over to my apartment one day. I still want to make dinner for you.”

“Yeah, okay. That sounds really nice.”

Negan started laughing. “Jeez...you’re a fucking catch you know that Rick?”

“Ha...sure.”

Negan scowled. “You are, Rick. Everyone respects the fucking shit out of you. It makes me feel special that you even like me.”

Rick smiled. “I don’t even know why. I mean, I do...but...no one in the past five years has made me feel all this shit.”

“See? That’s why I feel so damn special.” Negan smiled. 

Rick didn’t want to move too fast. But it was hard not to. A part of him started to feel fear. Like all of this was too good to be true. Was there something within himself that would come out and cause himself to run in the other direction? There was always this nagging feeling in the back of his mind. That he should just keep running away. That opening up to others was dangerous and that taking opportunities was a land of unknown scenarios. But no one should follow routine all of the time. What kind of life would he be living if he played it safe? What would he miss out on? Rick flip flopped between feeling like it was all worth it and feeling like it wasn’t. But he knew he couldn’t live like that. He knew he had to take risks. Take chances. For all of those moments of excitement and happiness. It would be worth it. There was a sign when they were all on the pool deck. 'No Running.' And Rick thought that maybe it was time to read the signs.  

He looked over at Negan, breaking away from his thoughts. “Thank you.” He said, voice wavering.

And somehow Negan knew Rick was thanking him for something unrelated to the conversation. Something far out of context. That there were thoughts brewing in Rick’s brain that were too much for him to say at the moment. Negan only nodded. “You’re welcome.”


	9. Apartment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really apologize for the long break since the last chapter. My life has gotten so busy and since writing is only a hobby for me it unfortunately gets put on hold. I will not abandon this story (no matter how long it seems to take me haha) and again, I'll try my best to update more frequently but I can't promise anything. I hope you all bear with me, and I hope you guys still enjoy it. Here's a chapter that will set the scene for the next, which I hope to make a more prominent chapter. :^) I'm hoping to turn the story soon and gear up for the major events of it. 
> 
> I'm also changing up the viewpoints and making these next chapters Part Two of the story. I'm not sure how long this will be, I think I'm going to shoot to wrap it up in no more than 20. There will probably be three parts by the end of it, since I want to shoot back to Rick's pov at some point.

_**PART TWO: FIRE** _

* * *

Negan returned to his apartment. Car was parked outside, slightly beat from the cold and the ride home from school. He dropped his keys on the counter and headed to the fridge to grab a beer. Playtime was over. He and Rick would return to school and have to play a new game of professionalism and secrecy. A part of Negan was okay with all of that. Fuck. Was he even ready for any of this? Was he okay to move on? _Fuck those goddamn blue eyes._

He had already left multiple schools and multiple towns for multiple reasons. Some noble, some not so noble. He didn’t want to fuck this one up. He was sick of moving. He didn’t give a fuck if anyone knew about Rick. But Rick kept his life to himself. Negan wasn’t like that. Everyone would know his business whether they wanted to or not. But Rick was different. Fuck, was he different.

Negan’s apartment was small. It had one phone hanging on the wall. Cord too long but nowhere to put it. Nothing else hung on the walls. There were still a few boxes in the living room untouched. Something about bad luck. If he unpacked everything then something would surely happen again and cause him to move. He knew he shouldn't think like that. But that couldn't be helped. Besides, this saved him the trouble of packing all his shit up again.

So much of his life felt like a waste. The years before Lucille seem irrelevant. As though nothing happened. He was a just a vessel inhabiting the planet until someone came along to put soul into him. He wondered if that was how Rick felt after Lori’s passing. He was envious that Rick met his wife so early on. What would have been different in his own life had he met someone sooner? But there was no point in thinking about it. There was no rewriting his life. Only moving forward. And when he arrived at Alexandria High and he saw those blue eyes for the first time...suddenly he felt his feet take those steps. And Rick liked him. That had to be some form of luck.

But was he ready to move on from Lucille? Two years didn't seem long at all. But his heart felt happy when he thought of Rick. Maybe it was okay. Maybe it was okay to be both ready or not. Life was about constant change and constant longing for a tiniest bit of happiness. No use delaying that further.

Along a lonesome bookcase in the apartment were framed photos of Negan and Lucille. He wondered if a photo of Rick would find its way on it.

Negan didn't want to return to school. He had gotten a taste of freedom and relaxation and it was always hard getting back into the swing of things. He was ready to change up the seating chart of his health class: try to earn some brownie points with Carl. After all, if this thing with Rick keeps going he might find himself with two kids. But that was too extreme thinking. And Negan didn't want to let himself daydream too far into that life. A life where he has a family again.

Nothing was on TV. There was no point in staying awake any longer.

Back to reality.

* * *

The halls were dead as dirt the next morning at school. Teachers were heading to their classrooms, tired from the Thanskgiving Break, and not ready to deal with the hoards of students who would most likely resemble zombies as well. Negan always wondered what that would be like. A zombie outbreak at school. Teens are turning, teachers are turning. The goddamn principal takes a chunk outta the nurse’s throat, fucking over everyone by taking away their only source of medical knowledge. The janitor's closet would get raided, rulers would be passed around. Someone would try using a stapler and get bitten, of course. Would Rick be okay? He was a fucking history teacher for god's sake. Negan knew he'd have to help him. Or maybe Rick would surprise him. Rick was a humble badass, as Negan had come to find out. Either way, he really hoped a zombie apocalypse wouldn't break out. God, he's gotta stop watching horror movies.

“Hey.”

Negan turned around to find _Rick-fucking-Grimes_ standing in his doorway. He couldn't help but grin.

“Hey sunshine.”

Rick rolled his eyes as he always did. It only amused Negan further. “You ready to get back into it?”

“School or us?” Negan smirked, he loved messing with Rick. Making him uncomfortable was becoming some sort of great American pastime.

Rick crossed his arms. “School. But that too I guess.”

“No to school and Yes to us. What about you?” Negan asked.

“No and Yes.” Rick answered, offering up a small smirk that could send Negan back a few lifetimes.

“This is gonna be a goddamn motherfucking challenge, isn't it?” Negan said.

Rick sighed. “Yeah...but we just go about business as usual.”

“Besides," Negan began, "If we go public then we gotta get the bosses involved and shit, you know? I don’t feel like dealing with that.” Negan said. “And I could use a little thrill in my life with a bit of secrecy.” Negan smirked. The idea of him and Rick sneaking around made him excited. It made him feel young again. And he was also that much a douche to want to test the limits of what Rick and him could get away with.

“Sure.” Rick rolled his eyes playfully. “I’ll see ya ‘round lunchtime.” He said. And with that Rick Grimes was gone.

Negan stared at the empty doorway for far too long. How did he find himself in this situation? What was going through Rick’s mind all the times he was silent? They had already opened up quite a bit. Something Negan was not used to at all. But it was nice. It made him feel like he was actually helping himself out. Instead of shutting out his feelings with beer and TV.  

* * *

Negan switched off the lights in his classroom and turned on the overhead projector, sliding the transparent paper with the new seating chart on top. It displayed along the chalkboard. Kids started entering the classroom and they immediately looked at the board.

“Alright everyone,” Negan began. “We’re switching seats for the remainder of the marking period.”

Negan watched as everyone looked at their new seating arrangements. Some were clearly annoyed, one of those being Ron Anderson. Negan noticed Carl’s expression change from annoyed to happy. He watched as Carl met Enid at their new desks. They both looked thrilled. Negan smirked to himself. He couldn’t wait to tell Rick that he may have actually done something to make Carl like him.

* * *

Class resumed like they had never left. It was relieving that everyone seemed willing to get back into gear. Negan sure as shit didn’t want to... _but whatever._ As soon as second period came around Negan nearly ran to the Teacher’s Lounge where he would find Rick. He couldn’t help but feel like a lost puppy sometimes in Alexandria High. He still felt new. No amount of meetings or trips in the first half of the year was going to change that. He cursed himself for always being such an asshole when he met people. How he got Lucille to marry him is still a fucking mystery. _Fuck_ , how he got Rick to like him is a goddamn mystery. So here he was, just trying to fit in at this point since he actually wanted to stick around.

He rounded a corner and ran straight into someone, knocking her to the floor. A small girl with blonde hair sat on the ground before him.

“Holy shi-ah, shoot, I’m so sorry.” Negan said, extending out a hand.

The girl took it and he lifted her up with ease. “It’s alright…” She said.

“Beth!” A voice called out.

Negan and the blonde, who he had just learned was called Beth, turned around to find Maggie running towards her.

“There you are!” She said, catching her breath. “Oh, Negan. This is my younger sister, Beth. She’s visiting from college.”

“Nice to meet you.” Negan said. He tried very hard not to add on any douchey comment that he usually would when meeting someone new.

“Yeah, you too.” Beth replied.

"Oh Beth, here's your wallet. You left it in my bag." Maggie said, handing over a small blue wallet.

"Thanks." Beth said. “I’m gonna go meet Daryl now. I’ll see you later, okay?”

“Of course.” Maggie said. “Just don’t get into too much trouble.”

Beth rolled her eyes. “Just because you and Glenn are a couple of animals doesn’t mean I am.”

Maggie looked embarrassed, it made Negan laugh. “We aren’t!”

“Please, Maggie.” Beth laughed. She turned on her heel and walked away, leaving Negan to deal with the tail end of an awkward exchange.

“I see the resemblance.” Negan said. “You have similar personalities.”

Maggie crossed her arms. “Look I don’t want you gettin’ the impression that me and Glenn are inappropriate all the damn time.”

Negan barked with laughter. “You don’t have to fucking worry about me. I don’t leave the best of impressions, remember? Besides, I haven’t seen you on top of Glenn yet and it’s been like four fucking months. With the way everyone’s talking I feel like I need a fucking refund.”

Maggie smirked softly. “I don’t know how we got that reputation. Well, there was this one faculty party…”

“Ah, good ol’ fucking faculty parties.”

“Just wait for the holiday party. Everyone goes nuts.”

“Hm, I don’t know if I'll go to that.” Negan said.

“Really? You seem like you’re making friends here, you can come.”

“I don’t do very well at parties…” Negan trailed off. “Hey I’ll see you around, I gotta go eat lunch.”

“Oh shoot, yeah. I gotta go take these assignment sheets to the copier. See you.” Maggie replied, rushing off.

Negan sighed and headed to the lounge. He found Rick already sitting at one of the tables.

“Jeez, there you are.” Rick said.

Negan couldn’t help but smile. Rick’s voice calmed him down instantly. “Hey.” He said, taking a seat next to Rick. “I met Beth. Well, I kind of knocked her over.”

“That’s just your thing, huh?”

Negan shoved Rick lightly. “It’s not on fucking purpose. I guess I just don’t slow the fuck down.”

“Yeah.”

“Hey…” Negan looked away from Rick. “I was wondering if you were free one of these nights to come over.”

Rick thought for a moment. It felt like an eternity to Negan. “I’m good for Friday.” He finally said.

“Cool, I can give you my address later.” Negan replied. He stared at Rick a little too long. 

* * *

Friday was filled with anxiety. Rick was going to meet Negan at his place around 5:30 PM. Which only gave Negan a couple hours to make sure everything wasn’t all in boxes or all over the damn place. He knew he should have just unpacked fully. Now it would look like he just lazy. Or pathetic. Or both. Negan had rushed out after school to get groceries for the night’s dinner. He was going to make spaghetti, meatballs, and lasagna. He was positive that it was all too much but whenever he got nervous he always went over the top.

Negan nearly jumped out of his skin when there was a knock on the door. He took one last look at the apartment before accepting its cleanliness and opening the door.

“RICK!” He shouted. “Come the fuck on in!” Negan pushed away his nerves, or tried to, and led Rick inside.

“Cool place.” Rick said as he walked into the apartment.

“Really?” Negan scoffed. “Thanks…”

Rick looked like he was taking in every detail. It made Negan ten times more nervous. He didn’t know why. His apartment was fine. His belongings were fine. Everything was fucking fine. Right?

Negan cleared his throat. “Dinner will be ready in about a half hour.”

Rick nodded, he had gotten to the lonely bookcase and stopped. “Is this her?”

“Y-yeah.” Negan said.

“Wow. She was stunning.” Rick said, eyes not leaving the photograph.

“Yeah…”

Rick turned around and met Negan’s eyes. “I haven’t been to someone’s place in this...context...in a long time.”

Negan smirked and tried not to grin crookedly. “What kinda context is that?” He knew Rick’s reaction before Rick fucking reacted.

He rolled his damn blue eyes. “I just mean...you know, like...a date. A dinner date. Whatever.”

Negan laughed. He felt a little bad teasing Rick all the time, but it was mostly to conceal his own nerves and reservations. He didn’t want Rick knowing he was dying on the inside every time they were near one another. “Well, me too. If that helps.” Negan said. “So, is my apartment up to snuff?”

Rick laughed softly. “Yes. I kind of like the smaller space to be honest. My house might be filled but...it just feels a bit too big sometimes. Too much room or something.”

“I’d like to see it one day.” Negan said. The words had fallen out like rain and in that moment he wanted to reel them back in. He knew damn well he wasn’t going to be seeing Rick Grimes’ house any time soon. Not with the guard dog that was Carl, anyway.

“Hopefully you can.” Rick gave him an understanding look.

Negan wondered if Rick had any clue how desperately Negan wanted this to all work out. It was hard trying to imagine the future when he was in new territory. Lucille didn’t have children from a previous marriage. She didn’t have a dead spouse. She didn’t have any ties to anybody. It was easy falling into place with her. But Rick was established. He had an entire life that Negan was now only becoming a part of. Like a small piece to a very large puzzle that was basically complete. He hoped there was room for him somewhere in it.

“Fuck! Here we go again with getting fucking sappy. I’m done having these conversations with you, Rick. From this point on we’re gonna have a good time. No getting serious on me, okay?”

Rick laughed and nodded his head toward the fridge. “Then you can start by getting me a beer.”

Negan grinned. “See, now that’s more like it.”


End file.
